http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbFwQYnQGlQ
Monday, December 28, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Is it!
Is it strange how the sight of piles of old books appearing from behind a window of an old house on a cold Maadi night can instantly make me smile from the heart... :)
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Mewww...
Today will be my first day since a year or more to work on an oil painting.
Am so anxious... i have butterflies in my stomach, my hands are a bit shaky and i have lumps in my throat...
I hope everything goes well.
Am so anxious... i have butterflies in my stomach, my hands are a bit shaky and i have lumps in my throat...
I hope everything goes well.
Friday, December 4, 2009
The most tender embrace
Today i bought a new bookmarker... a turquoise bookmarker, it’s a satin turquoise ribbon with turquoise pieces of glass at each end, the glass parts are separated by silver like pieces...
Turquoise. a color i love and appreciate but less likely to wear.. It’s a peaceful color especially in glass...
GLASS. One of my favorite elements it makes me feel safe, because it’s see through, because light is able to penetrate it.
It shines and twinkles.
Allows u to witness the most magical of scenes yet keep u safe and comforted.
When u breath warm air on its cold surface, u get to draw a heart with ur finger in a slow careful motion and watch it fade away...
At the bookstore, I passed by the children’s section had a flashback that took me back about a year ago, and left me there hanging with that memory in a melancholic state.
Am forcing myself to move on, watching myself from outside in great pity, watching the struggle I’m going through to simply move… to “move on” dragging my bruised spirit behind me on a coarse ground.
I imagine that things will keep intensifying till the pressure is unbearable and I will end up exploding creating a whole new galaxy of mine, I believe it’ll be a pretty scene. I hope…
Facts are sometimes unable to change the direction of our emotions, sometimes emotions can be much more stronger and overwhelming, they can take over what u have left of remaining sense.
I thank God for the faith I have been blessed, it is the only thing keeping me soulful and somehow collected.
It's when I steer towards the light several times through the day, it’s only then that I truly feel the raw form of affection.
The most tender embrace!
Turquoise. a color i love and appreciate but less likely to wear.. It’s a peaceful color especially in glass...
GLASS. One of my favorite elements it makes me feel safe, because it’s see through, because light is able to penetrate it.
It shines and twinkles.
Allows u to witness the most magical of scenes yet keep u safe and comforted.
When u breath warm air on its cold surface, u get to draw a heart with ur finger in a slow careful motion and watch it fade away...
At the bookstore, I passed by the children’s section had a flashback that took me back about a year ago, and left me there hanging with that memory in a melancholic state.
Am forcing myself to move on, watching myself from outside in great pity, watching the struggle I’m going through to simply move… to “move on” dragging my bruised spirit behind me on a coarse ground.
I imagine that things will keep intensifying till the pressure is unbearable and I will end up exploding creating a whole new galaxy of mine, I believe it’ll be a pretty scene. I hope…
Facts are sometimes unable to change the direction of our emotions, sometimes emotions can be much more stronger and overwhelming, they can take over what u have left of remaining sense.
I thank God for the faith I have been blessed, it is the only thing keeping me soulful and somehow collected.
It's when I steer towards the light several times through the day, it’s only then that I truly feel the raw form of affection.
The most tender embrace!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Haunting
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0U_H6wLsWM
its been playing through my head for days now... haunting me!
:)
its been playing through my head for days now... haunting me!
:)
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Withdrawal
It happens to be that, the more you are seen and heard from, the more your value degrades.
You become a habit.
Subtly, without your knowing why, people respect you less and less.
At the right moment you must learn to withdraw yourself, before they unconsciously push you away...
You become a habit.
Subtly, without your knowing why, people respect you less and less.
At the right moment you must learn to withdraw yourself, before they unconsciously push you away...
Monday, November 9, 2009
My will
In my funeral I want my family and friends to dress in white I don’t want them to mourn for long, I don’t want them to cry too much and they should try to smile as much as possible.
There shall be white and green balloons and plants with any kind of flower.
I want them to serve fresh juice.
When it comes to "Al ghosl" I want a total stranger to do it, someone that has no idea who iam and never met me before, no one that knows me shud be allowed around me at that stage.
I want everyone I know from near or far to be there at salat alganaza, starting with my parents ending with the security guards and janitors...
People that have to be there apart from family are Cindy and her family Mimi, Yasmin Habiba, Mahmoud and Cindy’s beautiful uncle and her aunt Fatin, Mohammad Salah, Heba Ragheb and Yomna Khalid,Iftis (Ibtesam), Dr. Abdelaziz.
Last but not least Hassan Khalil.
My belongings shud be divided between my closest friends Cindy, Salah, Sarah and Hassan.
I want my diaries to rotate around those four for them to read.
in case of having my own children and husband then my belongings shud stay "home", and my home shud be welcoming any of my close friends who feel like going through my things whenever they plz each of my friends could pick one special item that they think reminds them of me to keep... and my diaries will still be rotating for them to read.
If I die after any of my parents I want to be buried beside them.
If I die before then they both shud make sure they are buried next to me.
I want letters of gratitude to everyone that came across my life sent on my behalf... make them smile!
Plant a tree on my behalf and name it after my first child’s name as a dedication from me. If I haven’t got children name it after me with the quote "we enter naked, we exit naked and in between we spend our life trying to cover up."
And one of my favorite Quran verses "...و جعلناكم شعوباًو قبائل لتعارفوا..."
TO BE CONTINUED...
There shall be white and green balloons and plants with any kind of flower.
I want them to serve fresh juice.
When it comes to "Al ghosl" I want a total stranger to do it, someone that has no idea who iam and never met me before, no one that knows me shud be allowed around me at that stage.
I want everyone I know from near or far to be there at salat alganaza, starting with my parents ending with the security guards and janitors...
People that have to be there apart from family are Cindy and her family Mimi, Yasmin Habiba, Mahmoud and Cindy’s beautiful uncle and her aunt Fatin, Mohammad Salah, Heba Ragheb and Yomna Khalid,Iftis (Ibtesam), Dr. Abdelaziz.
Last but not least Hassan Khalil.
My belongings shud be divided between my closest friends Cindy, Salah, Sarah and Hassan.
I want my diaries to rotate around those four for them to read.
in case of having my own children and husband then my belongings shud stay "home", and my home shud be welcoming any of my close friends who feel like going through my things whenever they plz each of my friends could pick one special item that they think reminds them of me to keep... and my diaries will still be rotating for them to read.
If I die after any of my parents I want to be buried beside them.
If I die before then they both shud make sure they are buried next to me.
I want letters of gratitude to everyone that came across my life sent on my behalf... make them smile!
Plant a tree on my behalf and name it after my first child’s name as a dedication from me. If I haven’t got children name it after me with the quote "we enter naked, we exit naked and in between we spend our life trying to cover up."
And one of my favorite Quran verses "...و جعلناكم شعوباًو قبائل لتعارفوا..."
TO BE CONTINUED...
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Cinderella's greatest fear
Rana says:
hey girl....
,, says:
hey
Rana says:
how r u feeling
,, says:
shocked
Rana says:
cry it out go wash up etwadi w salleelo... i did so my self..
,, says:
i cant cry
tears are frozen inside my eyes
i can feel the blood boling in my veins
but i cant cry
Rana says:
life does it over and over again yet everytime seems like there very first time
,, says:
he was gona b 29 this november
.. he was alone
and now he is alone
in a fridge somewhere in a strange hospital in a strange country
when u come to think abt it.. he travelled to die
Rana says:
thats just a body but hes not alone
,, says:
it was his first time for him to ever ride a plane
he was so excited
Rana says:
death offers the most rosey introductions somtimes
gamilagirl@hotmail.com said (12:21 AM):
http://jazzylife.wordpress.com/2009/11/06/islam-died/
Rana says:
the pillow always helps a tear to flow
,, says:
i dont want to cry..
msh 3yza .. 7'yfa a3yt
ansah
Rana says:
That will never happen!
,, says:
my mum cant stop crying and telling me that i turned to an ice girl
w ezay ana msh monhara
Rana says:
ur not its just that the moment u cry it is definatly a very true and sincere moment... it will be
coz all these thoughts smashing against the walls of ur head will end up to one collected true emotion.. not necessarily sadness
,, says:
ana msh msd2a nfsi
islam tawafa
am looking at his email account on my msn list..
i cant believe it
Rana says:
belive it ya cindy and not only believe la2 prepare urself... prepare urself becoz the fact is its not the first and will not be the last time that such a thing happens
such a "natural" thing
,, says:
death in my greatest fear of all
Rana says:
you know that this is what we need to change
treating death as the boogy man... treating it as being BAD!
remember what marwa fl msr7 said
the story she tod us abt the man that had his house explode with his family inside
remember how it sounded like a tragedy but ended up to be a hidden disguise
a bless
blessings dnt necessarily appear in the most pleasant forms
the trick is to see through
and beyond...
hey girl....
,, says:
hey
Rana says:
how r u feeling
,, says:
shocked
Rana says:
cry it out go wash up etwadi w salleelo... i did so my self..
,, says:
i cant cry
tears are frozen inside my eyes
i can feel the blood boling in my veins
but i cant cry
Rana says:
life does it over and over again yet everytime seems like there very first time
,, says:
he was gona b 29 this november
.. he was alone
and now he is alone
in a fridge somewhere in a strange hospital in a strange country
when u come to think abt it.. he travelled to die
Rana says:
thats just a body but hes not alone
,, says:
it was his first time for him to ever ride a plane
he was so excited
Rana says:
death offers the most rosey introductions somtimes
gamilagirl@hotmail.com said (12:21 AM):
http://jazzylife.wordpress.com/2009/11/06/islam-died/
Rana says:
the pillow always helps a tear to flow
,, says:
i dont want to cry..
msh 3yza .. 7'yfa a3yt
ansah
Rana says:
That will never happen!
,, says:
my mum cant stop crying and telling me that i turned to an ice girl
w ezay ana msh monhara
Rana says:
ur not its just that the moment u cry it is definatly a very true and sincere moment... it will be
coz all these thoughts smashing against the walls of ur head will end up to one collected true emotion.. not necessarily sadness
,, says:
ana msh msd2a nfsi
islam tawafa
am looking at his email account on my msn list..
i cant believe it
Rana says:
belive it ya cindy and not only believe la2 prepare urself... prepare urself becoz the fact is its not the first and will not be the last time that such a thing happens
such a "natural" thing
,, says:
death in my greatest fear of all
Rana says:
you know that this is what we need to change
treating death as the boogy man... treating it as being BAD!
remember what marwa fl msr7 said
the story she tod us abt the man that had his house explode with his family inside
remember how it sounded like a tragedy but ended up to be a hidden disguise
a bless
blessings dnt necessarily appear in the most pleasant forms
the trick is to see through
and beyond...
Friday, October 30, 2009
Goodbye ponytail
I reached an extent of denial abt my hair that when i rised from bed this morning the first thing that faced me was a mirror, i looked at my reflection in quite a shock and burst into endless tears of uninvited regret...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tiG-y-E6I0g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tiG-y-E6I0g
Sunday, October 25, 2009
A dream
I had a dream that i gave birth to a baby girl... and only when she was 2 yrs old or so that i realised she was named after me, my daughter and i carried the same name!
I was so furious wondering how such a thing could happen when i had a list of names prepared for that special person since i was fourteen!!!
And i also realised that it was too late to fix, coz the girl was almost two now and named Rana.
I was so furious wondering how such a thing could happen when i had a list of names prepared for that special person since i was fourteen!!!
And i also realised that it was too late to fix, coz the girl was almost two now and named Rana.
رائحة الشمس
رائحة الشمس
ما نحن - الرجال - إلا أطفال أمهاتنا. مهما كبرنا أو استطلنا تظل أمهاتنا حاملات أسرار لمعجزات نظل نرتجيها. ولقد كانت معجزة أمي أنها تخبئ بعضا من الشمس في ثيابنا المغسولة.
سأظل أتذكر أنها كانت تجمع الغسيل بعد جفافه عندما تبدأ الشمس رحلة هبوطها بعد العصر، وعلى الكنبة التي بركن الصالة ترتفع كومة الثياب النظيفة. وفي هذه الكومة كنت ألقي بنفسي لأغرق في رائحة الشمس، فلقد كانت الثياب النظيفة تلك تمنح أنفاسي رائحة لم تكن في وعيي غير رائحة الشمس راحت كومة الثياب عن كنبة الصالة وغابت إلى الأبد.
وكبرت أنا إلى حد أنه حتى لو ظلت الكومة ما كنت أستطيع أن ألقي بنفسي فيها.وكل ما أستطيعه الآن هو أن أوصي زوجتي بأن لا تجمع الغسيل المنشور إلا بعد العصر , وبزعم أنني أساعدها في جمع الغسيل ألتقط قطعة منه وأغرق وجهي فيها.
تضحك زوجتي قائلة: "كف عن الوسوسة"، تحسبني أتشمم الغسيل لأتيقن من نظافته، فهي لا تعرف أنني أبحث عن معجزة من كانت تخبئ بعضا من الشمس في ثيابنا أبحث عن عطر أمي.
قصة قصيرة لمحمد المخزنجي.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
In random order
The List
In random order
The list is a rough sketch that describes the man i would care to grow old with.
I have never imagined i could end up making a list of things i need in a man, although i have tried several times to do so, but my trials were all in vain.
Suddenly things have become clear to me... maybe because i was that close to that example of a man!
The list may seem too perfected; the list may contain many things i do not possess myself.
And because it is simply insane to wish for things you know you are not worthy of, i doubtlessly am working on BEING that person, for when he comes i will know that i am deserving of him.
The list is my guide... so i guess i will need my friends to tell me what are the things that i already possess from all the below. :)
o Funny
o Kind
o Patient
o Beautiful in my eyes
o Generous with his smiles
o With at least average intelligence or more
o Excited about life with a wide range of interests
o Ambitious
o Good at one thing- be it talent or career
o Willing to trust me and let me in before i trust him
o Able to talk me through things, take my hand and lead me gently (leader, provider and supporter)
o Able to give me advice when I need it, and listen when all I need is to be heard
o Supportive and encouraging
o Offers me the sense of security and completeness I need
o Brings out the best in me through clear communication and positive motivation
o Doesn’t care about cultural stereotypes or what people think
o Isn’t afraid to get a little crazy every now and then
o Generous.
o Dependable
o Does not have a bad temper and isn’t insecure about his manhood in such a way that he needs to constantly prove it
o Is okay asking me for help and lending me a hand when i need it
o It wud be nice if he has a good successful career- but isn’t essential
o Socially extroverted
o Can just fill a whole room with talk and laughter
o Doesn’t feel awkward or weirded out easily
o Feels comfortable expressing love and affection to me in front of family and friends without being too shy and conservative about it.
o It wud b nice if he’s a bit built...
In random order
The list is a rough sketch that describes the man i would care to grow old with.
I have never imagined i could end up making a list of things i need in a man, although i have tried several times to do so, but my trials were all in vain.
Suddenly things have become clear to me... maybe because i was that close to that example of a man!
The list may seem too perfected; the list may contain many things i do not possess myself.
And because it is simply insane to wish for things you know you are not worthy of, i doubtlessly am working on BEING that person, for when he comes i will know that i am deserving of him.
The list is my guide... so i guess i will need my friends to tell me what are the things that i already possess from all the below. :)
o Funny
o Kind
o Patient
o Beautiful in my eyes
o Generous with his smiles
o With at least average intelligence or more
o Excited about life with a wide range of interests
o Ambitious
o Good at one thing- be it talent or career
o Willing to trust me and let me in before i trust him
o Able to talk me through things, take my hand and lead me gently (leader, provider and supporter)
o Able to give me advice when I need it, and listen when all I need is to be heard
o Supportive and encouraging
o Offers me the sense of security and completeness I need
o Brings out the best in me through clear communication and positive motivation
o Doesn’t care about cultural stereotypes or what people think
o Isn’t afraid to get a little crazy every now and then
o Generous.
o Dependable
o Does not have a bad temper and isn’t insecure about his manhood in such a way that he needs to constantly prove it
o Is okay asking me for help and lending me a hand when i need it
o It wud be nice if he has a good successful career- but isn’t essential
o Socially extroverted
o Can just fill a whole room with talk and laughter
o Doesn’t feel awkward or weirded out easily
o Feels comfortable expressing love and affection to me in front of family and friends without being too shy and conservative about it.
o It wud b nice if he’s a bit built...
To be continued…
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Coco
Its 2:10am
I made my warm coco, preparing to go to bed.
Listening to Chopin prelude no 4.
I want to go to college tomorrow, i miss my pen and paper.
Waiting for the effect of warm milk to sink in so i can sleep easily, im in no need to think a lot before going to bed.
I went to my dentist today, the one that i think im beginning to develop a crush on him (prelude no 15 raindrop now), i just cant help it he uses his wicked charms on me throwing and asking comments and questions that i know for sure its no more than a doctor who likes complimenting his patients...
Although somewhere inside me hoped that it was for real, a part of me that i cannot deny, a part of me that i have to force into silence, a part of me that is so feminine...!
Im looking for somthing to wear on my cousins engagment day... i still have to look i hope i can find somthing that really looks nice on me and for a good price...
Am planning to go to Nagham masry's concert at rawabet isa :)
Good night blog spot...ohhh forgot to tell u that i named my bike "Sanabel" :)
I made my warm coco, preparing to go to bed.
Listening to Chopin prelude no 4.
I want to go to college tomorrow, i miss my pen and paper.
Waiting for the effect of warm milk to sink in so i can sleep easily, im in no need to think a lot before going to bed.
I went to my dentist today, the one that i think im beginning to develop a crush on him (prelude no 15 raindrop now), i just cant help it he uses his wicked charms on me throwing and asking comments and questions that i know for sure its no more than a doctor who likes complimenting his patients...
Although somewhere inside me hoped that it was for real, a part of me that i cannot deny, a part of me that i have to force into silence, a part of me that is so feminine...!
Im looking for somthing to wear on my cousins engagment day... i still have to look i hope i can find somthing that really looks nice on me and for a good price...
Am planning to go to Nagham masry's concert at rawabet isa :)
Good night blog spot...ohhh forgot to tell u that i named my bike "Sanabel" :)
Friday, October 2, 2009
The trick is to...
Today im going to make the pepper fillet i was supposed to prepare yesterday but didn’t coz Metro had no fillet...
Yesterday on my way back from metro empty handed shereen called me and told me to get ready as fast as i can coz she will be picking me up and taking me to Egypt Vs. Italy match, so i went home gave dad the bad news that there was no fillet promised him i'll make it up to him tomorrow bought him gateau from tortina and told him that i was hitting the road and heading to the stadium.
In the car and on our way shereen noted that we were going to the match ticketless, and gave us the "heeeey guys come on everything will be just fine, were going to get there find tickets enter so easily, find perfect seats enjoy the match and WIN!" in such a relaxed laid back tone, we arrived, we found a nice place to park we entered for the price of one 30 pound ticket, sat in a good spot bought "masr" T-shirts, and WON the match. It happens that everything shereen said actually did happen! (The trick is to BELIEVE!)
We went back to Maadi ate at dido’s st9 all of us with a headache and a killing need to sleep.
Arrived home by 2 :S
To find dad downstairs cleaning his motorcycle :)
Through the whole post match phase all i could think of is "When the Cindbind and the Big MO know that i went to that match without them for free and our team won an extraordinary 4/2, it’s gonna get ugly :S )
But if it’s of any remorse they didn’t play that good anyway... :/
Have to go feed my cats and buy the fillet now... planning on cycling at night.
hmmmm isn't the weather just great these days :)
(The trick is to Breath)
And Hassan if your reading this i miss u!
(The trick is to set a date for us to meet) although u can really get on my nerves so easily lately and u can somtimes be a pain in the... bs ur still good guy!
w shereen kant betes2al 3aliek!
Yesterday on my way back from metro empty handed shereen called me and told me to get ready as fast as i can coz she will be picking me up and taking me to Egypt Vs. Italy match, so i went home gave dad the bad news that there was no fillet promised him i'll make it up to him tomorrow bought him gateau from tortina and told him that i was hitting the road and heading to the stadium.
In the car and on our way shereen noted that we were going to the match ticketless, and gave us the "heeeey guys come on everything will be just fine, were going to get there find tickets enter so easily, find perfect seats enjoy the match and WIN!" in such a relaxed laid back tone, we arrived, we found a nice place to park we entered for the price of one 30 pound ticket, sat in a good spot bought "masr" T-shirts, and WON the match. It happens that everything shereen said actually did happen! (The trick is to BELIEVE!)
We went back to Maadi ate at dido’s st9 all of us with a headache and a killing need to sleep.
Arrived home by 2 :S
To find dad downstairs cleaning his motorcycle :)
Through the whole post match phase all i could think of is "When the Cindbind and the Big MO know that i went to that match without them for free and our team won an extraordinary 4/2, it’s gonna get ugly :S )
But if it’s of any remorse they didn’t play that good anyway... :/
Have to go feed my cats and buy the fillet now... planning on cycling at night.
hmmmm isn't the weather just great these days :)
(The trick is to Breath)
And Hassan if your reading this i miss u!
(The trick is to set a date for us to meet) although u can really get on my nerves so easily lately and u can somtimes be a pain in the... bs ur still good guy!
w shereen kant betes2al 3aliek!
Monday, September 28, 2009
http://www.tasgreetings.com/feelings.htm :)
Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived:
Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others including Love.
One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink so
all repaired their boats and left.
Love was the only one who stayed -- Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment.
When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help.
Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat.
Love said,"Richness, can you take me with you?" Richness answered, "No,
I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place
here for you."
Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful
vessel, "Vanity, please help me!".
"I can't help you Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.
Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, "Sadness, let me go with
you."
"Oh...Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"
Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she did not even
hear when Love called her!
Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come Love, I will take you." It was an elder.
Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder her name.
When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Love realized
how much he owed the elder and asked Knowledge (another elder):
"Who helped me?"
"It was Time," Knowledge answered.
"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"
Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is
capable of understanding how great Love is."
Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others including Love.
One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink so
all repaired their boats and left.
Love was the only one who stayed -- Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment.
When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help.
Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat.
Love said,"Richness, can you take me with you?" Richness answered, "No,
I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place
here for you."
Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful
vessel, "Vanity, please help me!".
"I can't help you Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.
Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, "Sadness, let me go with
you."
"Oh...Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"
Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she did not even
hear when Love called her!
Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come Love, I will take you." It was an elder.
Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder her name.
When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Love realized
how much he owed the elder and asked Knowledge (another elder):
"Who helped me?"
"It was Time," Knowledge answered.
"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"
Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is
capable of understanding how great Love is."
Saturday, September 26, 2009
On the 26th of september i had 5 spontaneous thoughts.
Ω On the 26th of September at 1:08 pm and after spending a couple of hours earlier thinking of going to the beauty salon a place i don’t enjoy going to at all because it’s always associated with "FAKE"...
1. Fake euphoria. it’s when ur female natural instincts urge u to take care of all the little details concerning ur image and u do it lovingly intoxicated by a (not always) Fake state of excess happiness and very high spirit.
2. a down moment where u feel really bad abt urself so u decide to go and cover it up by a "FAKE" partially beautiful image so as to boost ur confidence a bit
3.FAKE: "ohhh... masha2allah enty gamila...ohhh mash2alllah sh3rk te2eeel ohhh mash2allah enty zoboona amaraya and all that crap! And u have to (an inescapable "have to") be sweet and thank them for their fake sweetness!!!
The thing is this is the very first time i thought of highlighting my hair...
A thought that makes me stop and ponder deeply into what has happened to me, i have never thought of doing such a thing (not that it’s bad or anything) but it’s just not me! And that very fact scares me.
i might sound like am exaggerating when i say that highlights in my case is a sign of weakness... it first started out with a little makeup touch ups and now a thought of going "highlights" and who knws later on i might add some artificial lashes and put on a pair of "grey" lenses for god’s sake!!!
Ω i just phoned up a friend telling her that there was a theatre work shop today at 6, and that i hve no idea who those ppl were... but i just felt like going and doing something a bit out of the ordinary.
Ω Adult hood disgusts me! It’s too fake, i guess because ppl force themselves into it they don’t let them sleves naturally reach it.
Ω The last day of Ramadan on my way to ras el barr particularly somewhere near Ismailia it rained so hard for abt 3 amazing minutes while i was behind the wheel :)
Ω In Portsaid i saw so many old men on old fixed gear bicycles they were too many of them they passed in front of me in such harmony, their posture on the bike was so beautifully intact, like they were made for each other... the old arched back the arms laid on the handle bars in a semi 45 degree angle so comfortably.
The perfectly ironed shirt and trousers the combed hair the smoothness of the pedal the sound of the bell when it rings.
You could feel the man holding his bicycle with love and riding it with appreciation.
my dad told me that there was a day when Portsaid was mostly bicycles... i thought to myself " no wonder i fell in love with it from first sight :)".
Ω I love my dad :)
1. Fake euphoria. it’s when ur female natural instincts urge u to take care of all the little details concerning ur image and u do it lovingly intoxicated by a (not always) Fake state of excess happiness and very high spirit.
2. a down moment where u feel really bad abt urself so u decide to go and cover it up by a "FAKE" partially beautiful image so as to boost ur confidence a bit
3.FAKE: "ohhh... masha2allah enty gamila...ohhh mash2alllah sh3rk te2eeel ohhh mash2allah enty zoboona amaraya and all that crap! And u have to (an inescapable "have to") be sweet and thank them for their fake sweetness!!!
The thing is this is the very first time i thought of highlighting my hair...
A thought that makes me stop and ponder deeply into what has happened to me, i have never thought of doing such a thing (not that it’s bad or anything) but it’s just not me! And that very fact scares me.
i might sound like am exaggerating when i say that highlights in my case is a sign of weakness... it first started out with a little makeup touch ups and now a thought of going "highlights" and who knws later on i might add some artificial lashes and put on a pair of "grey" lenses for god’s sake!!!
Ω i just phoned up a friend telling her that there was a theatre work shop today at 6, and that i hve no idea who those ppl were... but i just felt like going and doing something a bit out of the ordinary.
Ω Adult hood disgusts me! It’s too fake, i guess because ppl force themselves into it they don’t let them sleves naturally reach it.
Ω The last day of Ramadan on my way to ras el barr particularly somewhere near Ismailia it rained so hard for abt 3 amazing minutes while i was behind the wheel :)
Ω In Portsaid i saw so many old men on old fixed gear bicycles they were too many of them they passed in front of me in such harmony, their posture on the bike was so beautifully intact, like they were made for each other... the old arched back the arms laid on the handle bars in a semi 45 degree angle so comfortably.
The perfectly ironed shirt and trousers the combed hair the smoothness of the pedal the sound of the bell when it rings.
You could feel the man holding his bicycle with love and riding it with appreciation.
my dad told me that there was a day when Portsaid was mostly bicycles... i thought to myself " no wonder i fell in love with it from first sight :)".
Ω I love my dad :)
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Nousa :o)
Today at 11:30pm at the doctors clinic, i met Nousa a nine year old sudanese girl along with her father who was wearing his native clothes which i admired alot it looked beautiful and Nousa was wearing a tiny "isdal" :)
she told me a couple of intresting riddels like "eh el tedakhalo el talaga w yefdal melahleb?...(el shatta)
eh el fel ard akhdar fel soo2 eswed w fel beit a7mar?... (el shai)
she lives in hadayek el maadi and she goes to school by metro she gets off at gamal abdelnasser heya f talta ebteda2ui... she explained to me how to make "3aseeda" a kind of food, and told me how she likes to draw i asked her what does she prefer pencil or colors she said pencil :) like me when i was young i liked pencil and water colours :)
she seemed very smart, she had this bright look in her eyes beatiful smile and an even more beautiful laugh :)she was really pretty and had the cutest most kissable cheeks.
Nousa held my hands tight while explaining to me how to make a salad and told me abt a sudanese cooked meal called "Kambo".
Nousa let me rest my head on her tiny shoulder and was very embracing:)
Nousa made my day:)
she told me a couple of intresting riddels like "eh el tedakhalo el talaga w yefdal melahleb?...(el shatta)
eh el fel ard akhdar fel soo2 eswed w fel beit a7mar?... (el shai)
she lives in hadayek el maadi and she goes to school by metro she gets off at gamal abdelnasser heya f talta ebteda2ui... she explained to me how to make "3aseeda" a kind of food, and told me how she likes to draw i asked her what does she prefer pencil or colors she said pencil :) like me when i was young i liked pencil and water colours :)
she seemed very smart, she had this bright look in her eyes beatiful smile and an even more beautiful laugh :)she was really pretty and had the cutest most kissable cheeks.
Nousa held my hands tight while explaining to me how to make a salad and told me abt a sudanese cooked meal called "Kambo".
Nousa let me rest my head on her tiny shoulder and was very embracing:)
Nousa made my day:)
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Goodbye
Goodbye friday ride...
Fayoum im on my way...
..to work...
..tomorrow!
i was looking forward to that ride, and now am not going.
Dont dwell on the facts, for they are unchangeable, they break ur dreams and leave them unmendible...
NO!
its not as bad as it sounds, its just that somtimes certain things are a now or never moment.
but sill i think i know better by now i know that i can make from any moment a million dollar moment only if i want to, it is in ur hands to create ur own heaven on earh, manifest ur own eutopia :)
its in ur.. my.. our hand!
now am going to "eskenderella" with some freinds.. correction! most precious of friends actually :)
im here now at work sitting in a room with hagar ahmad and sameh and am feelling extremely comfortable between them :)
but still im ging to miss tomorrows ride :)
lisening to Goodbye- dont dwell(tracy chapman), dnt knw why- those sweet words- come away with me ( norah jones) :)
Fayoum im on my way...
..to work...
..tomorrow!
i was looking forward to that ride, and now am not going.
Dont dwell on the facts, for they are unchangeable, they break ur dreams and leave them unmendible...
NO!
its not as bad as it sounds, its just that somtimes certain things are a now or never moment.
but sill i think i know better by now i know that i can make from any moment a million dollar moment only if i want to, it is in ur hands to create ur own heaven on earh, manifest ur own eutopia :)
its in ur.. my.. our hand!
now am going to "eskenderella" with some freinds.. correction! most precious of friends actually :)
im here now at work sitting in a room with hagar ahmad and sameh and am feelling extremely comfortable between them :)
but still im ging to miss tomorrows ride :)
lisening to Goodbye- dont dwell(tracy chapman), dnt knw why- those sweet words- come away with me ( norah jones) :)
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
I have to frekin go!
its 2:32am and i started playing alf leila w leila the one that plays on radio, so as to help me go to sleep, my pa is out he hasnt returned yet he went with his motorbike which makes me more worried...
salama wel magharba.
i have work tomorrow i have to frekin go!
my hair look horible and i gained weight, im so selfconcious abt my self right now and i hate it!
im willing to go for my 100 km ride next friday!
im must sleep now :)
salama wel magharba.
i have work tomorrow i have to frekin go!
my hair look horible and i gained weight, im so selfconcious abt my self right now and i hate it!
im willing to go for my 100 km ride next friday!
im must sleep now :)
Sunday, June 28, 2009
This or that, that or this!
A state of overmastering anxiety
A state of apprehension and antisepation
A state of distress.
Run away or run forward
run into or run out of
stay on the safe side or grant my self an new experience.
A state of apprehension and antisepation
A state of distress.
Run away or run forward
run into or run out of
stay on the safe side or grant my self an new experience.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Whirlpool
I dont know.. i just felt like passing by and saying hi, i miss it here..
i have nothing to say, i hate it when i have nothing to say..
it makes me feel like am suffering from alzhimer,
i know that things caught my attention today others made me smile others brought wonderful thoughts and ideas to my mind... but whats the use of them if they're constantly forgotten?!
i started to get used to my short hair.. now i want it shorter.. a constant need of change.. is that good or bad, is it a sign that somthing is missing or is it perfectly normal..
one thing abt me, is that i never know if things that happen around me or even things i do, are wrong or right, ethicaly acceptable or not, i always need to double check with ppl that seem to find there way through the many man made rules and regulations!
i usually sleep with two pillows one i lay my head on and the other i fill in the emptyness with. (my extra pillow is now temporarly taken)
i remember them mentioning in the book "the secret" somthing abt realising what u want and acting as if its already there, and they gave an example abt a woman who was waiting for the man of her dreams to come along, but he never did, then she realised that she herself wasnt ready or wasnt adapting her self with the fact that there is another somone.
So then she started making room for him in her closet and made sure there was space for his car in her garage and even slept on one side of the bed :) so back to my pillows i discoverd that i instictivly use my pillow to remind me that there will be somone here instead of my all so kind and friendly pillow... i dont know what wud i've done with out it, becuase it not only fills physical emptyness but also emotional... i find it hard for me to sleep single pillowed now!
So you either better get me an extra pillow or get me a man!
ive been randomly casualy offered to be pampered... ohhh my god how i pitty myself at times...
i just need to learn to swim away from the whirlpool,
amazingly all am doing now is swimming towards it!
i have nothing to say, i hate it when i have nothing to say..
it makes me feel like am suffering from alzhimer,
i know that things caught my attention today others made me smile others brought wonderful thoughts and ideas to my mind... but whats the use of them if they're constantly forgotten?!
i started to get used to my short hair.. now i want it shorter.. a constant need of change.. is that good or bad, is it a sign that somthing is missing or is it perfectly normal..
one thing abt me, is that i never know if things that happen around me or even things i do, are wrong or right, ethicaly acceptable or not, i always need to double check with ppl that seem to find there way through the many man made rules and regulations!
i usually sleep with two pillows one i lay my head on and the other i fill in the emptyness with. (my extra pillow is now temporarly taken)
i remember them mentioning in the book "the secret" somthing abt realising what u want and acting as if its already there, and they gave an example abt a woman who was waiting for the man of her dreams to come along, but he never did, then she realised that she herself wasnt ready or wasnt adapting her self with the fact that there is another somone.
So then she started making room for him in her closet and made sure there was space for his car in her garage and even slept on one side of the bed :) so back to my pillows i discoverd that i instictivly use my pillow to remind me that there will be somone here instead of my all so kind and friendly pillow... i dont know what wud i've done with out it, becuase it not only fills physical emptyness but also emotional... i find it hard for me to sleep single pillowed now!
So you either better get me an extra pillow or get me a man!
ive been randomly casualy offered to be pampered... ohhh my god how i pitty myself at times...
i just need to learn to swim away from the whirlpool,
amazingly all am doing now is swimming towards it!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Stainless
I'm just the rough old pullover, that kept u warm one day...
and at the first stain, u decided to let go of it, and look for a new one!
letting go is a healthy decision to make, yet hard!
left alone stained i am... waiting to end up in a charity bag, a recycle container or on the shoulders of a cold and homeless man!
i might even end up on a rope under the sun wet fresh and stainless!
:)
and at the first stain, u decided to let go of it, and look for a new one!
letting go is a healthy decision to make, yet hard!
left alone stained i am... waiting to end up in a charity bag, a recycle container or on the shoulders of a cold and homeless man!
i might even end up on a rope under the sun wet fresh and stainless!
:)
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
فى ظروف غامضة.. إختفى الفستان!
كنت معدية من قدام فترينة مضلمة ولمحت فستان على منيكان... الفستان كان حلو بس المنيكان كانت حامل!
الفستان بقى للحوامل أو للأفراح والليالي الملاح.
راح فين الفستان... الطويل والقصير, البليسيه والإيفازيه, الدنتيل والكتان... فين الجاكيت الكروشيه!
فستان جميل بألوان باستيل, منقط مخطط أو حتة كارو, وحشنى الفسنان...
إختفاء الفستان هو دليل على إختفاء إحساسنا بأنوثتنا...
منظر البودجي وتحتشي الكارينا بقى قبيح!!! و جوب جينز مجرجرا فالأرض و مقرفة!!!
إيه ده! أنا زى مأكون نسيت إنى أنثى... ما طبعا لازم أنسى و أنا كل يوم في إحتكاك مستمر مع أشكال و ألوان من ال"رجالة" ال تقريبا إنقرضه زيك يا فستان... عملين زى الكلاب الصعرانة, و طبعا فى حال زي ده البنت مننا لو إتعملت بأنوثة تبقى فتحت على نفسها أوسع أبوابك يا جهنم!
يعنى أنا بقيت ألاحظ إن أى بنت لما تروح تشترى تذكرة مترو بتكشر و قال إيه جد و مركزة... فى حين إن الإبتسامه صدقة, لكن للأسف إحنا جرى العرف عندنا إن البنت التمشى زى العسكرى والشاويش تبقى هى دى البنت الكويسة المئدبة ال بميت راجل!!!
مين الله يجازيه القال إن البنت لازم تبقى بميت راجل.. مين؟!!
مبدأ قضى على الإبتسامة و أدى إلى إختفاء الفستان...
الفستان بقى للحوامل أو للأفراح والليالي الملاح.
راح فين الفستان... الطويل والقصير, البليسيه والإيفازيه, الدنتيل والكتان... فين الجاكيت الكروشيه!
فستان جميل بألوان باستيل, منقط مخطط أو حتة كارو, وحشنى الفسنان...
إختفاء الفستان هو دليل على إختفاء إحساسنا بأنوثتنا...
منظر البودجي وتحتشي الكارينا بقى قبيح!!! و جوب جينز مجرجرا فالأرض و مقرفة!!!
إيه ده! أنا زى مأكون نسيت إنى أنثى... ما طبعا لازم أنسى و أنا كل يوم في إحتكاك مستمر مع أشكال و ألوان من ال"رجالة" ال تقريبا إنقرضه زيك يا فستان... عملين زى الكلاب الصعرانة, و طبعا فى حال زي ده البنت مننا لو إتعملت بأنوثة تبقى فتحت على نفسها أوسع أبوابك يا جهنم!
يعنى أنا بقيت ألاحظ إن أى بنت لما تروح تشترى تذكرة مترو بتكشر و قال إيه جد و مركزة... فى حين إن الإبتسامه صدقة, لكن للأسف إحنا جرى العرف عندنا إن البنت التمشى زى العسكرى والشاويش تبقى هى دى البنت الكويسة المئدبة ال بميت راجل!!!
مين الله يجازيه القال إن البنت لازم تبقى بميت راجل.. مين؟!!
مبدأ قضى على الإبتسامة و أدى إلى إختفاء الفستان...
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
The big bike day :)
Today my dad bought me a new bike, a RED peugeot bike:))), we went riding for abt an hour and a half it was really nice...
we went back home expecting a bigger bike.. a motor bike :))
"el 3arousa" arrived at 1:30am we paid the guy and drove till 4 am :))
my god that was one hell of a day!
although it was best for me and my future to stay at home and study... but oh my god that is a one moment i couldnt hv missed!
i can catch up on my studying better after enjoying that one in a million year moment, (my first time to ride a motorcycle and my fathers first time too, since he was 13!)
the roads were very tempting to keep us going so unbelivably empty, the weather was nice and chilly and every time we'd decide to go back home we'd go "errrmmm.. naaah lets ride a little bit more!" :) we decided to go cilantro st 9 to celebrate, midnight ppl look different and much more intresting there... i saw the vocalist in cairokee i dont knw his name but he was there man!! oo oooo oooooo at that very minute i remembered cindy and that if she was there with me she wudve attempted to go and say hi and maybe take a picture with him :)))
Today is the BIG BIKE day :)
we went back home expecting a bigger bike.. a motor bike :))
"el 3arousa" arrived at 1:30am we paid the guy and drove till 4 am :))
my god that was one hell of a day!
although it was best for me and my future to stay at home and study... but oh my god that is a one moment i couldnt hv missed!
i can catch up on my studying better after enjoying that one in a million year moment, (my first time to ride a motorcycle and my fathers first time too, since he was 13!)
the roads were very tempting to keep us going so unbelivably empty, the weather was nice and chilly and every time we'd decide to go back home we'd go "errrmmm.. naaah lets ride a little bit more!" :) we decided to go cilantro st 9 to celebrate, midnight ppl look different and much more intresting there... i saw the vocalist in cairokee i dont knw his name but he was there man!! oo oooo oooooo at that very minute i remembered cindy and that if she was there with me she wudve attempted to go and say hi and maybe take a picture with him :)))
Today is the BIG BIKE day :)
محمود درويش
و أريد شيئا واحدا لاغير.. شيئا واحدا: موتا بسيطا هادئا.. فى مثل هذا اليوم.. فى الطرف الخفى من الزنابق.. قد يعوضنى كثيرا أو قليلا عن حياة كنت أحصيها.. دقائق أو رحيلا.. و أريد موتا فى الحديقة ليس أكثر أو أقل...
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Five dozen's of red Carnations!
Today at about 2:45 and after attending my first ever "ossos tasmeem lecture", i decided i didn’t want to go straight home...
i called a couple of friends but they weren’t available.
i remembered that earlier i glanced a young boy selling really pretty flowers near college so i thought of buying some for Mimi, when i called cindbind she didn’t know when she was finishing... so i thought ok.. then i'll buy them for Mom, she loves flowers.
i bought her 5 dozens of red Carnations, and headed home.
Got there after going through ugly traffic, horrible heat and suffocating car fumes.
Mom was sleeping when i got home, so i fixed the flowers, looked for vases and put the flowers in, they were too many and all i could find was 2 vases, my dad was waiting for me, we were having lunch together, i was in a hurry, so i left the remaining flowers where they were so ma could find them an extra vase.. i knew there was an extra one but i just couldn’t find it...
i woke her up before i get going and then left, she told me to go by taxi and not take the car, why i don’t know, i mean i know shes not going to use it.. but anyway!,
on my way to dads my phone rang, it was mom :) yeh i smiled, i imagined that she got up saw the flowers liked them and was calling to tell me that she liked them.. they smelled nice.. anything.. .
and i was like ahh i can’t answer in the taxi coz i know i might sound weird when am excited, but i thought i don’t wanna mess the moment, so i answered...
yeh i answered!
she was shouting/yelling i couldn’t understand a thing she said...
she was like wut r these flowers?
wut r those flowers doing in the kitchen?
wut am i supposed to do with them?
And she kept going on and on…
And all am thinking of was "this cannot be real!".
So i hung up coz i couldn’t deal with the situation in front of the driver and called her when i got off, entered dads place, she asked to talk to him, and told him that he should take me to live with him permanently!!!
He hung up, then asked "wut happened?"
i said "i bought her flowers!".
But at the end of the day... i bought my mom flowers!
i learned that when u do something, u shouldn’t ever expect/imagine reactions.
Do good for the sake of doing good.. Its possibly the only action that requires the LEAST amount of sacrifice.
And in the middle of the day at abt 4pm, i wanted a friend to know that just today i started to feel truly happy for him.. sincere and from the heart!
i called a couple of friends but they weren’t available.
i remembered that earlier i glanced a young boy selling really pretty flowers near college so i thought of buying some for Mimi, when i called cindbind she didn’t know when she was finishing... so i thought ok.. then i'll buy them for Mom, she loves flowers.
i bought her 5 dozens of red Carnations, and headed home.
Got there after going through ugly traffic, horrible heat and suffocating car fumes.
Mom was sleeping when i got home, so i fixed the flowers, looked for vases and put the flowers in, they were too many and all i could find was 2 vases, my dad was waiting for me, we were having lunch together, i was in a hurry, so i left the remaining flowers where they were so ma could find them an extra vase.. i knew there was an extra one but i just couldn’t find it...
i woke her up before i get going and then left, she told me to go by taxi and not take the car, why i don’t know, i mean i know shes not going to use it.. but anyway!,
on my way to dads my phone rang, it was mom :) yeh i smiled, i imagined that she got up saw the flowers liked them and was calling to tell me that she liked them.. they smelled nice.. anything.. .
and i was like ahh i can’t answer in the taxi coz i know i might sound weird when am excited, but i thought i don’t wanna mess the moment, so i answered...
yeh i answered!
she was shouting/yelling i couldn’t understand a thing she said...
she was like wut r these flowers?
wut r those flowers doing in the kitchen?
wut am i supposed to do with them?
And she kept going on and on…
And all am thinking of was "this cannot be real!".
So i hung up coz i couldn’t deal with the situation in front of the driver and called her when i got off, entered dads place, she asked to talk to him, and told him that he should take me to live with him permanently!!!
He hung up, then asked "wut happened?"
i said "i bought her flowers!".
But at the end of the day... i bought my mom flowers!
i learned that when u do something, u shouldn’t ever expect/imagine reactions.
Do good for the sake of doing good.. Its possibly the only action that requires the LEAST amount of sacrifice.
And in the middle of the day at abt 4pm, i wanted a friend to know that just today i started to feel truly happy for him.. sincere and from the heart!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Everything...
I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes
I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go
I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known
I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes
I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go
I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known
I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Pollen grains
At start it floats lightly in the air on a warm sunny morning...
the air blows stronger, and breaks her into tiny little grains...
each grain travels farther than the other, and in a moment they become estranged, each landing on far brown soil... awaiting a stormy cloud patiently.
Days and nights have shadowed on them...
On one particular moonless night, a strike of lightning and thunder storms, announcing that soon the dry soil is to be blessed.
Thunder rain storms and wind, yet the grains are bearing, they have faith in what is to come next…
The sun rises one early morning, and there between the muddy brown soil a pinch of fresh green .
and on another rising, those once tiny pinches of green, grew to become big tall trees with long branches reaching out to one another each from a separate trunk…
Many trunks, once belonged to one pollen, once separated… are now once again united.
I wish we were as patient and faithful as pollen grains.
Pollen grains.
At first, so attached.
They separate.
Wait and take their time.
Go through storms.
Still connected although so apart.
The return is slow but assured.
And at last they unite, but in a much greater form than when they first started.
A stronger unbreakable ever giving union!
the air blows stronger, and breaks her into tiny little grains...
each grain travels farther than the other, and in a moment they become estranged, each landing on far brown soil... awaiting a stormy cloud patiently.
Days and nights have shadowed on them...
On one particular moonless night, a strike of lightning and thunder storms, announcing that soon the dry soil is to be blessed.
Thunder rain storms and wind, yet the grains are bearing, they have faith in what is to come next…
The sun rises one early morning, and there between the muddy brown soil a pinch of fresh green .
and on another rising, those once tiny pinches of green, grew to become big tall trees with long branches reaching out to one another each from a separate trunk…
Many trunks, once belonged to one pollen, once separated… are now once again united.
I wish we were as patient and faithful as pollen grains.
Pollen grains.
At first, so attached.
They separate.
Wait and take their time.
Go through storms.
Still connected although so apart.
The return is slow but assured.
And at last they unite, but in a much greater form than when they first started.
A stronger unbreakable ever giving union!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Chicken
I hate the new big humongous billboards in maadi, it gave maadi a very commercial feel, maadi is supposed to be a unique quite neighborhood, but since el Nasr st was created things became very different...
I mean, I remember the days where, for u to actually find a place where u can drink a good cup of cappuccino there was only one place for that.. "Winchell’s" near midan el ma7tta, it was the best and only place in maadi that serves coffee, and I remember they had gr8 carrot cakes as well, I can still remember their taste!
and for u to get there it was never a big deal. for u to get anywhere in maadi was never a big deal...!
sometimes I just curse the pendulum, it never stops it just keeps on moving, on and on counting, creating past u will long for, and an unapprehended future...
when I come to look back at history from the old days till this very moment, I just feel that things r meant to get worst by time.
it’s like there is something that links time with bad circumstances, like there directly proportional or something... I don’t know... im just MAD, mad at the fact that things never stay the way they are, they have to get worst, it’s like an inevitable fact you cannot escape!
Right now at this very moment I feel that my home has been raped, my memories have been slashed into pieces and nothing is left for me to look at and remember, it all now lays in an unreliable memory of mine...
I once rode with a taxi driver who had a very good point to discuss, he asked me why do we artists always paint things the usual way, why do we use the old techniques, why is that our subjects are very limited, although life is in minute by minute change, and is now filled with many new routines and ideas...
The reason he thought was that we as people are always looking behind us, and that we are too much of chickens to face forward and see the truth, ugly it is or not, were too afraid even to find out if it’s really ugly or is it just an illusion... "Al boka2 3al atlal" this is how he called it, he said that he’s sick and tired of praising what we did in the past our great achievements, the pyramids, the pharos...
what bothers him most is that even those things we r holding on to so tight, we failed to really use it in the most proper way, secure it and make the best out of it!
He pity’s that we don’t allow our self the chance to experiment new things, and that we always choose the safest way!
And when i come to think of it, i might just be one of those chickens he's been talking about!
I mean, I remember the days where, for u to actually find a place where u can drink a good cup of cappuccino there was only one place for that.. "Winchell’s" near midan el ma7tta, it was the best and only place in maadi that serves coffee, and I remember they had gr8 carrot cakes as well, I can still remember their taste!
and for u to get there it was never a big deal. for u to get anywhere in maadi was never a big deal...!
sometimes I just curse the pendulum, it never stops it just keeps on moving, on and on counting, creating past u will long for, and an unapprehended future...
when I come to look back at history from the old days till this very moment, I just feel that things r meant to get worst by time.
it’s like there is something that links time with bad circumstances, like there directly proportional or something... I don’t know... im just MAD, mad at the fact that things never stay the way they are, they have to get worst, it’s like an inevitable fact you cannot escape!
Right now at this very moment I feel that my home has been raped, my memories have been slashed into pieces and nothing is left for me to look at and remember, it all now lays in an unreliable memory of mine...
I once rode with a taxi driver who had a very good point to discuss, he asked me why do we artists always paint things the usual way, why do we use the old techniques, why is that our subjects are very limited, although life is in minute by minute change, and is now filled with many new routines and ideas...
The reason he thought was that we as people are always looking behind us, and that we are too much of chickens to face forward and see the truth, ugly it is or not, were too afraid even to find out if it’s really ugly or is it just an illusion... "Al boka2 3al atlal" this is how he called it, he said that he’s sick and tired of praising what we did in the past our great achievements, the pyramids, the pharos...
what bothers him most is that even those things we r holding on to so tight, we failed to really use it in the most proper way, secure it and make the best out of it!
He pity’s that we don’t allow our self the chance to experiment new things, and that we always choose the safest way!
And when i come to think of it, i might just be one of those chickens he's been talking about!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Did they get you to trade cold comfort for change!
On the way to Alex.
Hector Lavoe playing and the winds and sands are storming.
The air is yellow with no horizons to gaze at.
Maltesers.
Water.
Alex toll gate. El max. Cheering fans. Mad car horns. Sarcastic laughs.
Club gate. Wave of people, moving by tidal energy not at all kinetic!
Squish squash till u get the feeling ur ribs are about to break.
No seats. Running around. Chaos.
PEOPLE!, Amazing vocabulary, funny comments, funny reactions (over reactions).
LIBB kteer, wf afaya!
There was a family of 4 members mom, dad, son & daughter sitting right behind me, they made a phone call to "el7agga" apologising for not being able to take her to this match and promising that they will take her to the upcoming match next Friday.
Father: "Alo! aiwa ya 7agga, msh oltelk ha2aflek 3nd el bab 4:30... mashofteneesh! tyb negebolek nadara b2a b2a... wala tezz3ali nafsek, hanakhdooki el mutch eg- gay aiwa.. aiwa.. match el olembi el gom3a el gaya dahyn, mashi ya 7agga alfsalama m3 el salama!" (7asessoni wakhdenha film l sit faten law mo2khza 7amama, 3ala ra2ui shkhseya lawlabeya shoftaha mara!)
Son: "baba baba, hat libb.. baba baba hat libb, fen el libb!"
Father: "el libb f shntet mama" (radd b3d malwad galo gafaf).
(baba da b2a 7angarto 3’ir adameya belmara, akeno 3azra2eel beytklm.. 3azra2eel yemekn 27n meno kaman! 7angara stereo turbo sama3t dolby soot mogasam tholathy el ab3ad momeet! tab nefsi a3raf.. law el ragel da za32 tyb hayb2a eh el mawqeff! akeed haytakhed gona7 :S)
w mama b2a zai Amina bzbt bas namoozag sanat 2009.
shyala el 3asayer w jacketat el 3eyal wel libb tab3an, w wade7 gedan enaha msh fahma 2ayotoha 7ga men el hya betetfarag 3aleh, w rasma ebtesamet ed3a2 el sa3ada 3ala shafaterha w a3da...!
el walad b2a haga keda bt3 12 13 sana.
rakhamet el sobyan na27a 3aleh.. w mn el wade7 eno metrabi 3ala eno "ELWALAD"!
wel walad 27sn men el bent, w khod balak men okhtak, wenta ragel el beit w abook msh mawgood wen mafeesh welad te3ayat, wel khayaba di kolaha!
wel bent nesmet el 2a3da masm3telhash 7ess 3ier marten w kanet btes2al 3al libb bardo! :S
amma b2a el kan 2a3ed gambi fahowa hosalet el hosala, lesan bakabort, w 3amelli feeha el 7ema2ui awi... khosara wallahi el wad kan 7eleiwa!
el mohem eno b3d da kollo et3'alabna 2/1... :( (match el zamalek w 7aras el hodood)
ro7na seagull kan fi talat zabayn w e7na rabe3hom...
(bck to english)
The food was great, after finishing, i took a tour around the place, my god that place is one of my favorite places... it is anything but boring!
you’re surrounded with old antiques.
Everything is old and has a history, i don’t know why i have a thing for anything old, valuable or not i just love old things, and somehow there’s a certain smell u can sense in all old things, a common smell they carry...
i stood by the sea, the sound of the waves were so powerful.
the sound of greatness.
i don’t know how can u love something so much and yet can’t fully surrender to it, how can you love something so much indulge in it when calm and yet cannot accept its rage... maybe it all depends on how u define love in the end!
i had an amazing conversation with a beautiful red green blue parrot, when i started talking with the monkey i guess he felt jealous and started grabbing my attention by holding his metal plate by his beak and tapping it on surrounding metal... i guess he’s a he i didn’t get to know his name, and i really can’t wait to go back and meet him. :)
on the way back to Cairo dad and i were dead sleepy, so i thought i'd play some of our favorite music to wake us up a little... we sang on pink floyd wish you were here, reo speed wagon keep on living u and more from the same album, it was nice coz all these songs have memories with me and dad, he was the one who used to play them for me, and hearing them yesterday after such a long time was gr8 specially that i was able to remember all the tunes clearly, it’s like they’ve been carved inside me since childhood...
we then stopped for a coffee, we needed something that would wake us up a little (chemical this time!)
it did! but after i arrived home and it was actually time to go to bed :D i was unbelievably hyper!
my mom was pulling her hair off!
yeh it was a special day indeed :)
So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skys from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade
Your heros for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here
Pink Floyd- wish you were here
Hector Lavoe playing and the winds and sands are storming.
The air is yellow with no horizons to gaze at.
Maltesers.
Water.
Alex toll gate. El max. Cheering fans. Mad car horns. Sarcastic laughs.
Club gate. Wave of people, moving by tidal energy not at all kinetic!
Squish squash till u get the feeling ur ribs are about to break.
No seats. Running around. Chaos.
PEOPLE!, Amazing vocabulary, funny comments, funny reactions (over reactions).
LIBB kteer, wf afaya!
There was a family of 4 members mom, dad, son & daughter sitting right behind me, they made a phone call to "el7agga" apologising for not being able to take her to this match and promising that they will take her to the upcoming match next Friday.
Father: "Alo! aiwa ya 7agga, msh oltelk ha2aflek 3nd el bab 4:30... mashofteneesh! tyb negebolek nadara b2a b2a... wala tezz3ali nafsek, hanakhdooki el mutch eg- gay aiwa.. aiwa.. match el olembi el gom3a el gaya dahyn, mashi ya 7agga alfsalama m3 el salama!" (7asessoni wakhdenha film l sit faten law mo2khza 7amama, 3ala ra2ui shkhseya lawlabeya shoftaha mara!)
Son: "baba baba, hat libb.. baba baba hat libb, fen el libb!"
Father: "el libb f shntet mama" (radd b3d malwad galo gafaf).
(baba da b2a 7angarto 3’ir adameya belmara, akeno 3azra2eel beytklm.. 3azra2eel yemekn 27n meno kaman! 7angara stereo turbo sama3t dolby soot mogasam tholathy el ab3ad momeet! tab nefsi a3raf.. law el ragel da za32 tyb hayb2a eh el mawqeff! akeed haytakhed gona7 :S)
w mama b2a zai Amina bzbt bas namoozag sanat 2009.
shyala el 3asayer w jacketat el 3eyal wel libb tab3an, w wade7 gedan enaha msh fahma 2ayotoha 7ga men el hya betetfarag 3aleh, w rasma ebtesamet ed3a2 el sa3ada 3ala shafaterha w a3da...!
el walad b2a haga keda bt3 12 13 sana.
rakhamet el sobyan na27a 3aleh.. w mn el wade7 eno metrabi 3ala eno "ELWALAD"!
wel walad 27sn men el bent, w khod balak men okhtak, wenta ragel el beit w abook msh mawgood wen mafeesh welad te3ayat, wel khayaba di kolaha!
wel bent nesmet el 2a3da masm3telhash 7ess 3ier marten w kanet btes2al 3al libb bardo! :S
amma b2a el kan 2a3ed gambi fahowa hosalet el hosala, lesan bakabort, w 3amelli feeha el 7ema2ui awi... khosara wallahi el wad kan 7eleiwa!
el mohem eno b3d da kollo et3'alabna 2/1... :( (match el zamalek w 7aras el hodood)
ro7na seagull kan fi talat zabayn w e7na rabe3hom...
(bck to english)
The food was great, after finishing, i took a tour around the place, my god that place is one of my favorite places... it is anything but boring!
you’re surrounded with old antiques.
Everything is old and has a history, i don’t know why i have a thing for anything old, valuable or not i just love old things, and somehow there’s a certain smell u can sense in all old things, a common smell they carry...
i stood by the sea, the sound of the waves were so powerful.
the sound of greatness.
i don’t know how can u love something so much and yet can’t fully surrender to it, how can you love something so much indulge in it when calm and yet cannot accept its rage... maybe it all depends on how u define love in the end!
i had an amazing conversation with a beautiful red green blue parrot, when i started talking with the monkey i guess he felt jealous and started grabbing my attention by holding his metal plate by his beak and tapping it on surrounding metal... i guess he’s a he i didn’t get to know his name, and i really can’t wait to go back and meet him. :)
on the way back to Cairo dad and i were dead sleepy, so i thought i'd play some of our favorite music to wake us up a little... we sang on pink floyd wish you were here, reo speed wagon keep on living u and more from the same album, it was nice coz all these songs have memories with me and dad, he was the one who used to play them for me, and hearing them yesterday after such a long time was gr8 specially that i was able to remember all the tunes clearly, it’s like they’ve been carved inside me since childhood...
we then stopped for a coffee, we needed something that would wake us up a little (chemical this time!)
it did! but after i arrived home and it was actually time to go to bed :D i was unbelievably hyper!
my mom was pulling her hair off!
yeh it was a special day indeed :)
So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skys from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade
Your heros for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here
Pink Floyd- wish you were here
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Change
I woke up on the sound of my window banging several times in a slow motion...
The wind is strong today and apparently the temps r going back to normal.
Im heading to Alex after a few mins., im going to spend the day there with my pa, hes willing to attend a match (i dont know who against i dont know what!).
but personaly the fact alone that im there is just soothing.
I was supposed to go to the Nagham masri concert today with El cindbind and Hassan, but when u come to think of it how many times will u go attend a match in alex! :))
Nagham masri r always there, one smart thing i learned in my still getting started life, is never miss an opportunity for change.. im in the mood for change.
I took my little sketch book with me, just incase...
Somthing tells me that today is special.
The wind is strong today and apparently the temps r going back to normal.
Im heading to Alex after a few mins., im going to spend the day there with my pa, hes willing to attend a match (i dont know who against i dont know what!).
but personaly the fact alone that im there is just soothing.
I was supposed to go to the Nagham masri concert today with El cindbind and Hassan, but when u come to think of it how many times will u go attend a match in alex! :))
Nagham masri r always there, one smart thing i learned in my still getting started life, is never miss an opportunity for change.. im in the mood for change.
I took my little sketch book with me, just incase...
Somthing tells me that today is special.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Thick
the weather is getting warmer every day, the berry tree sprung new tiny fresh green leaves, usualy thats a sign of season changes.
yesterday in the metro i felt that the air was thick, i got the feeling of stillness although there was constant movement, above all stillness in my mind a freeze with a haunting presence...
i woke up today to find that my cat had urinated on my bed while i was sleeping, such a pleasent thing to rise on.
i shud be heading to elcindbindz now, shes going to give away her black kitten to a friend of mine from college.
i put polly and dodo food, dodo ate and is now sleeping and polly is fasting i guess he didnt come near it, hes now sitting next to me giving me the look the "tasbeela" look!
msh kefaya shkhet 3ala seriri "yabo shakha" 3al ra2yek ya mimi!
men el wade7 enaha genat fel 3ela ya tant :S
hmmm well i guess am goin to rap it up now and get going.
yesterday in the metro i felt that the air was thick, i got the feeling of stillness although there was constant movement, above all stillness in my mind a freeze with a haunting presence...
i woke up today to find that my cat had urinated on my bed while i was sleeping, such a pleasent thing to rise on.
i shud be heading to elcindbindz now, shes going to give away her black kitten to a friend of mine from college.
i put polly and dodo food, dodo ate and is now sleeping and polly is fasting i guess he didnt come near it, hes now sitting next to me giving me the look the "tasbeela" look!
msh kefaya shkhet 3ala seriri "yabo shakha" 3al ra2yek ya mimi!
men el wade7 enaha genat fel 3ela ya tant :S
hmmm well i guess am goin to rap it up now and get going.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Fairytale
El cindbind (Cinderella). my friend. she’s one of those people that u don’t realise just how beautiful they really are the moment u meet them, just like anything precious in the world, (diamonds were once hiding under dull rocks!)
El cindbind, God she’s so pretty as in looks, frankly I noticed how pretty she is after getting used to her, and after memorising her facial details by heart, she has deceiving looks, the kind that can make u underestimate her level of beauty when seeing her for the first time and then discovering by time how blind u were.
she is a beauty.
a precious kind of beauty, the inside out kind!
she has an unbelievable sense of humor.
she’s smart with big brains and a big heart.
she’s a good friend, and a great future wife and mother!
she’s a fighter a survivor and a lover for life.
she’s really good with details, very careful with them and points them out easily!
she holds such creative imagination that lead to creative ideas, which means she is far from boring! :)
I love how she exactly knows what her rights are, and how she’s never hesitates to demand them.
I love how she stands up for other people, even if those other people were strangers she never met and never will meet!
I love how I feel safe with her, she’s someone u can relay and depend on.
**Those last 4 or 5 points are things I would love my kids to learn from you ya cinbind :)
El cindbind is sometimes overly sensitive about little things, I guess this is the one major thing that might piss me off abt her!
And because I know how strong of a woman she is, I really hate it when I watch her allow her insecurities to get hold of her and swallow her up.
I worry when she’s too sarcastic, I get the feeling that she’s trying to hide something behind all the laughs and jokes.
I hate the way she plays around with her kitty cats it’s too frek'n aggressive!!!
But in the end she is still one of a kind, so special in her way and very very precious.
She is a bless to all the people she enters or even simply passes by their lives.
She is a fairytale!
El cindbind, God she’s so pretty as in looks, frankly I noticed how pretty she is after getting used to her, and after memorising her facial details by heart, she has deceiving looks, the kind that can make u underestimate her level of beauty when seeing her for the first time and then discovering by time how blind u were.
she is a beauty.
a precious kind of beauty, the inside out kind!
she has an unbelievable sense of humor.
she’s smart with big brains and a big heart.
she’s a good friend, and a great future wife and mother!
she’s a fighter a survivor and a lover for life.
she’s really good with details, very careful with them and points them out easily!
she holds such creative imagination that lead to creative ideas, which means she is far from boring! :)
I love how she exactly knows what her rights are, and how she’s never hesitates to demand them.
I love how she stands up for other people, even if those other people were strangers she never met and never will meet!
I love how I feel safe with her, she’s someone u can relay and depend on.
**Those last 4 or 5 points are things I would love my kids to learn from you ya cinbind :)
El cindbind is sometimes overly sensitive about little things, I guess this is the one major thing that might piss me off abt her!
And because I know how strong of a woman she is, I really hate it when I watch her allow her insecurities to get hold of her and swallow her up.
I worry when she’s too sarcastic, I get the feeling that she’s trying to hide something behind all the laughs and jokes.
I hate the way she plays around with her kitty cats it’s too frek'n aggressive!!!
But in the end she is still one of a kind, so special in her way and very very precious.
She is a bless to all the people she enters or even simply passes by their lives.
She is a fairytale!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Afraid
aslong as im alone im ok.
aslong as there isnt other people feelings included im ok.
aslong as im not too close not too far im ok.
aslong as im dealing with other people issues and mine are out of the picture im ok.
mingling my issues with others is not a really good idea.
im always ok but not nessecarily happy.
one man needs to feel peoples love and warmth every now and then.
one man needs to feel that somone really cares.
one man needs to be taken care of looked after, just like a little baby.
one man needs to surrender unjudged.
i need to surrender, but im always afraid, of what exactly? im not really certain.
surrendering means letting go, letting go means getting deeply involved, deeply involved means too many details, too many details means complicated, complicated means problems, problems mean pain.
im afraid of pain!
aslong as there isnt other people feelings included im ok.
aslong as im not too close not too far im ok.
aslong as im dealing with other people issues and mine are out of the picture im ok.
mingling my issues with others is not a really good idea.
im always ok but not nessecarily happy.
one man needs to feel peoples love and warmth every now and then.
one man needs to feel that somone really cares.
one man needs to be taken care of looked after, just like a little baby.
one man needs to surrender unjudged.
i need to surrender, but im always afraid, of what exactly? im not really certain.
surrendering means letting go, letting go means getting deeply involved, deeply involved means too many details, too many details means complicated, complicated means problems, problems mean pain.
im afraid of pain!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Awaiting the reflections
Today was a kind day.
i noticed somthing different abt somone with me at college, somone i dont know well at all but had a situation with in my first year of college, an unpleasnt one... and today i thank the circumstances that made me react the way i did that day 3 years ago, today i touched the meaning of offering goodness and recieving it inreturn, even after 3 years!
it doesnt matter how long it takes, as long as u belive in your heart that what u once gave will not go to waste, it will reflect back at you, it will self reincarnate and come back to you in its best of forms (best varies and is very relative).
on my way back home ostaz sherif a 60 somthing year old man gave me a ride back home.
he had silver hair a tidy silver beard and light skin with small eyes, he looked a bit turkish, he was dressed nicely and it seemed like he took good care of his car mechanicly and cleanliness wise, he had omkolthoum playing.
He was talkative, not boringly talkative though.
i really dont remember how he started up a conversation with me... but we talked abt people and how he likes dealing with foriegners because he feels that they respect the hole fact that he or anyone else is a "human being" and that only being one made u such an important person with many rights to demand and many services to offer.
he then asked me if i was orthodox or protestant, i told him neither and immedietly asked him why would he ask me such a question, and that it wouldnt make any difference finding out my religion and we had a talk abt that a little, which i guess impressed him because he started complimenting, praising and flattering me all the way home till i was abt to burst... but he did it in a way that seemed that he really believed what he was saying there was such sinceraty abt him that really got to me, he made me wish that him having "a good sense abt ppl" was really true(as he claimed he has), so that all the things he said abt me could be true!
he also noted that he thinks that im underestimating myself, and he wondered why... but my usual answer was ready (as he wasnt the first to point that out for me) "that im simply being realistic!".
in the end, i discovered that there is one important thing we (sherif and i) share an incommon passion for, which is the love of people, regardless their color race religion or beliefs...
im a little concerned abt my colleague, the one i talked abt in the very start... didnt seem ok, noticed weight loss, tired eyes, yellow face.. i dont know... i just hope everyone is ok!
i prepared my painting corner all the tools are ready...waiting for me!
Awaiting the reflections in my life and on my canvas.
i noticed somthing different abt somone with me at college, somone i dont know well at all but had a situation with in my first year of college, an unpleasnt one... and today i thank the circumstances that made me react the way i did that day 3 years ago, today i touched the meaning of offering goodness and recieving it inreturn, even after 3 years!
it doesnt matter how long it takes, as long as u belive in your heart that what u once gave will not go to waste, it will reflect back at you, it will self reincarnate and come back to you in its best of forms (best varies and is very relative).
on my way back home ostaz sherif a 60 somthing year old man gave me a ride back home.
he had silver hair a tidy silver beard and light skin with small eyes, he looked a bit turkish, he was dressed nicely and it seemed like he took good care of his car mechanicly and cleanliness wise, he had omkolthoum playing.
He was talkative, not boringly talkative though.
i really dont remember how he started up a conversation with me... but we talked abt people and how he likes dealing with foriegners because he feels that they respect the hole fact that he or anyone else is a "human being" and that only being one made u such an important person with many rights to demand and many services to offer.
he then asked me if i was orthodox or protestant, i told him neither and immedietly asked him why would he ask me such a question, and that it wouldnt make any difference finding out my religion and we had a talk abt that a little, which i guess impressed him because he started complimenting, praising and flattering me all the way home till i was abt to burst... but he did it in a way that seemed that he really believed what he was saying there was such sinceraty abt him that really got to me, he made me wish that him having "a good sense abt ppl" was really true(as he claimed he has), so that all the things he said abt me could be true!
he also noted that he thinks that im underestimating myself, and he wondered why... but my usual answer was ready (as he wasnt the first to point that out for me) "that im simply being realistic!".
in the end, i discovered that there is one important thing we (sherif and i) share an incommon passion for, which is the love of people, regardless their color race religion or beliefs...
im a little concerned abt my colleague, the one i talked abt in the very start... didnt seem ok, noticed weight loss, tired eyes, yellow face.. i dont know... i just hope everyone is ok!
i prepared my painting corner all the tools are ready...waiting for me!
Awaiting the reflections in my life and on my canvas.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Dream for sale
ive been wanting to do and say many things lately and all i do is hold myself back... besause its either inappropriate, bad timing, will not repair the broken or to simply save myself embaressment and awkward situations.
holding back requires strength, a kind of strength am not sure i possess.
tv, remotes, cars, mobile phones, computers, neon lights, sky scrapers, high heels, junck food, "organic", medication, homosexuals, diamonds, shopping malls, cosmectics, plastic surgery, sattelites, stockmarkets, guns, war, athesim... they all represent one idea, they are all an illusion of a big dream (nightmare), a dream for sale, a dream im not willing to buy.
i like riding the metro when its not so crowded, i like riding it at abt 4:30 on a day off, everyone looks relaxed the sun is warm and golden... people on the metro are an intresting subject to gaze at for a hole 20 mins...
zahret el bostan hiding in the alley beside cafe riche in down town... cozy, they have good mango juice and mooz belabann.. but they dont have green tea.. i miss green tea. with mint!
i had a dream.. i dreamt that i gave birth to a baby boy and i wasnt able to name him.
i shud give myself a chance to remember my dreams the moment i wake up, i shud give myself three mins.. just laying there, i think it should help me recall my dreams... i think a dream is a very important part of who you are, we should give it the time and attention it needs.
holding back requires strength, a kind of strength am not sure i possess.
tv, remotes, cars, mobile phones, computers, neon lights, sky scrapers, high heels, junck food, "organic", medication, homosexuals, diamonds, shopping malls, cosmectics, plastic surgery, sattelites, stockmarkets, guns, war, athesim... they all represent one idea, they are all an illusion of a big dream (nightmare), a dream for sale, a dream im not willing to buy.
i like riding the metro when its not so crowded, i like riding it at abt 4:30 on a day off, everyone looks relaxed the sun is warm and golden... people on the metro are an intresting subject to gaze at for a hole 20 mins...
zahret el bostan hiding in the alley beside cafe riche in down town... cozy, they have good mango juice and mooz belabann.. but they dont have green tea.. i miss green tea. with mint!
i had a dream.. i dreamt that i gave birth to a baby boy and i wasnt able to name him.
i shud give myself a chance to remember my dreams the moment i wake up, i shud give myself three mins.. just laying there, i think it should help me recall my dreams... i think a dream is a very important part of who you are, we should give it the time and attention it needs.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
A new canvas
i miss the process of sharpening my pencil, taking my time, and thinking of a million things when doing so.
i miss the sound of my pencil on textured paper... i miss the the strokes, the varying forces of pressure, all the shades and tones the lines curves and figures...
i miss the brush the canvas and the strong smell of cheap turpentine.. i miss my palette, the half full color tubes all so squashed and scattered, i miss the process of mixing colors trying so hard to come up with the perfect shade of color, i miss my sprint to the stationary store across the street to buy a particular shade of blue that would give me my ever so magical shade of purple when mixed with deep red.
no outlines, only areas of colors does it all...
Black is not aloud on my palette, in my tool box or anywhere near me, i miss giving black away or even throwing it out the window!
its been long, i really missed u my dear muse, its always tough times without you around.
i miss the sound of my pencil on textured paper... i miss the the strokes, the varying forces of pressure, all the shades and tones the lines curves and figures...
i miss the brush the canvas and the strong smell of cheap turpentine.. i miss my palette, the half full color tubes all so squashed and scattered, i miss the process of mixing colors trying so hard to come up with the perfect shade of color, i miss my sprint to the stationary store across the street to buy a particular shade of blue that would give me my ever so magical shade of purple when mixed with deep red.
no outlines, only areas of colors does it all...
Black is not aloud on my palette, in my tool box or anywhere near me, i miss giving black away or even throwing it out the window!
its been long, i really missed u my dear muse, its always tough times without you around.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Saturday, January 31, 2009
ف العصر هيدخلوا مصر
يا خوفى لو حل العصر, و لائناهم دخلو مصر واحنا كتير و الخيبة مزينة الجبين.
ربع خنافس و ربع.. مسطول.
ربع بايع القضية و طفشان مالبلد, اهو كده بيقول.
ربع نزل القصة و ورانا اللباس, والروج لا غنى عنه يخللى الشفايف تتباس.
و ربع تعالب وديابة بكروش جعانة صعرانة, صعب تتملى. وحش بنى آدم لما بيفترى.
امنتى ألأرض هترتوى... امتى الهم هينطوى...
Monday, January 26, 2009
Part 2
Part 2 includes a "bad memory" and a "hurry"!
well the one most important incident was the safari till now... i went on a safari with a battery-less camera, what makes things worst is that there was so much to capture, they would've been amazing shots... the women there were so much like the women described in "wa7att al3'oroob", the one thing that really caught me was the striking eyes...
she was standing in the corner gazing at us, all that connects u to her is that little naked area around her eyes, its the only window for her to reach out.. that IF shes allowed to!
her from if u imagine her as a silhouette was like 2 pyramids on top of each other a big one on top of a smaller upside down pyramid, she was wearing something that looked like a black tent with a colorful gelbab underneath, the black cover on her face had beautiful work in gold and some metals with earrings attached to the cloth... black kohl filling the brown eyes.
underneath all that magic hides a little infant carried on her back, i went inside said hello and departed, it was so warm inside that tent, the boy was laying there asleep like hes still inside his mothers womb... safe.
the camels were sitting as if they were parked, the owners standing beside them yelling "ta3ali ta3ali", all surrendered to their first invitation call and i decided to take my time and pick one i like... i walked between the camels and it didnt take me long to settle on one... the owner was a female that stood still next to her female camel, she stood silent for women are not allowed to speak without the permission of their men there, i liked her silence and i liked how her camel seemed so different than all the others it was brown with relativly long brown hair, beautiful eyes, long eye lashes, busy mouth and the kindest sweetest look ever :)
phone ringing ested3a2.. hv to go, will be bck again!
well the one most important incident was the safari till now... i went on a safari with a battery-less camera, what makes things worst is that there was so much to capture, they would've been amazing shots... the women there were so much like the women described in "wa7att al3'oroob", the one thing that really caught me was the striking eyes...
she was standing in the corner gazing at us, all that connects u to her is that little naked area around her eyes, its the only window for her to reach out.. that IF shes allowed to!
her from if u imagine her as a silhouette was like 2 pyramids on top of each other a big one on top of a smaller upside down pyramid, she was wearing something that looked like a black tent with a colorful gelbab underneath, the black cover on her face had beautiful work in gold and some metals with earrings attached to the cloth... black kohl filling the brown eyes.
underneath all that magic hides a little infant carried on her back, i went inside said hello and departed, it was so warm inside that tent, the boy was laying there asleep like hes still inside his mothers womb... safe.
the camels were sitting as if they were parked, the owners standing beside them yelling "ta3ali ta3ali", all surrendered to their first invitation call and i decided to take my time and pick one i like... i walked between the camels and it didnt take me long to settle on one... the owner was a female that stood still next to her female camel, she stood silent for women are not allowed to speak without the permission of their men there, i liked her silence and i liked how her camel seemed so different than all the others it was brown with relativly long brown hair, beautiful eyes, long eye lashes, busy mouth and the kindest sweetest look ever :)
phone ringing ested3a2.. hv to go, will be bck again!
Friday, January 23, 2009
my hair is a mess am swallen, sleepy all the time... hibernating.. hibernating in hurgada, i miss cairo.
made friends with Abdallah he's from Aswan, hes cute and he used to work in Movenpick too! wonderful coincidence...
he has a natural sense of humor and is very spontaneous in an elegant comforting cozy way :)
yesterday i met Jean Paul a 39 yr old french man who's been living in Scotland for 8 years for work... Jean is a Yes man, he quite his job only because he felt like he wants to do something else, he decided he wants to enjoy life and achieve all of his wild dreams.
amazingly i managed to talk with him for a long period of time and amazingly i understood his accent that souded like one tounge speaking both English with a scottish accent and English with a french accent, on the bus back home jean asked me to join him for dinner, i said i couldnt because we dont tend to do that here in egypt and because am with my mom on a vacation so i couldnt possibly leave her all alone on dinner!
i told him i was flattered and that it was very sweet of him to ask me, the guy turned red for gods sake, which made me feel kinda like woohooo and my feminine side started singing halelouya!
well ive got alot of things i want to spill here but my dad just called and i need to go now, so, i guess i'll be bck!
p.s 3ndi soda3.
16:45
made friends with Abdallah he's from Aswan, hes cute and he used to work in Movenpick too! wonderful coincidence...
he has a natural sense of humor and is very spontaneous in an elegant comforting cozy way :)
yesterday i met Jean Paul a 39 yr old french man who's been living in Scotland for 8 years for work... Jean is a Yes man, he quite his job only because he felt like he wants to do something else, he decided he wants to enjoy life and achieve all of his wild dreams.
amazingly i managed to talk with him for a long period of time and amazingly i understood his accent that souded like one tounge speaking both English with a scottish accent and English with a french accent, on the bus back home jean asked me to join him for dinner, i said i couldnt because we dont tend to do that here in egypt and because am with my mom on a vacation so i couldnt possibly leave her all alone on dinner!
i told him i was flattered and that it was very sweet of him to ask me, the guy turned red for gods sake, which made me feel kinda like woohooo and my feminine side started singing halelouya!
well ive got alot of things i want to spill here but my dad just called and i need to go now, so, i guess i'll be bck!
p.s 3ndi soda3.
16:45
Friday, January 16, 2009
Will Miss!
Abla mervat, Amira, Ahmad bta3 el room service, Abu bakr, Mohamad, 3m mohamad el shayal, Nariman el tayeba el gamila, mdm mary, 3m Toma (hamada) bta3 el faluka webn 3amo 3m mohamad hussien, 3m 3awad 7ares ma3bad nefertari f abu simbel, 3m nagy el sawa2, wel chefs kolohom... i will Miss them all.
i came to the realisation that Nubian's could possibly be the real Pharaohs... i mean with this spirit between them, all the love and dedication, there is a possibility that they were the ones to actually build the great temples and come up with the most complicated scientific and astronomical discoveries... they are attached, constantly in love, passionate, warm hearted, dedicated and faithful...
i really needed to stay there for a longer time so i can rub some of there goodness on me!
i came to the realisation that Nubian's could possibly be the real Pharaohs... i mean with this spirit between them, all the love and dedication, there is a possibility that they were the ones to actually build the great temples and come up with the most complicated scientific and astronomical discoveries... they are attached, constantly in love, passionate, warm hearted, dedicated and faithful...
i really needed to stay there for a longer time so i can rub some of there goodness on me!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Rolling on the rail way
Sinking in the depth of darkness...
it takes time for u to know whats really going on, takes time for u to understand, deal with and adapt to...
Things are happening, u dont knw why, if u try finding out -that can never happen- peaking from windows, asking a question and recieving a million different answers, u never know truth from false... just then ur off. u will not reach ur destination, u realise there is nothing u can do but sit and wait adapt and, when u get there u will find out the answers to questions carried through that long bumpy journey..was it worth it, was it not.. its always worth it!
Trying to find out reasons for why things happen.. trying to find answers to questions asked by dear ones who are used to always being in the "know"...
That isnt always the right thing to do, Yes, they might not talk to u through that long journey, asking themselves how come u did not offer them the answers and explanations they were always used to recieve...
In the end, all will be clear, to u and to them!
Sacrifices should be made. sacrifice is never nessecerily bad. sacrifice is a smart yet risky move!
Some trains are just unstopable.
it takes time for u to know whats really going on, takes time for u to understand, deal with and adapt to...
Things are happening, u dont knw why, if u try finding out -that can never happen- peaking from windows, asking a question and recieving a million different answers, u never know truth from false... just then ur off. u will not reach ur destination, u realise there is nothing u can do but sit and wait adapt and, when u get there u will find out the answers to questions carried through that long bumpy journey..was it worth it, was it not.. its always worth it!
Trying to find out reasons for why things happen.. trying to find answers to questions asked by dear ones who are used to always being in the "know"...
That isnt always the right thing to do, Yes, they might not talk to u through that long journey, asking themselves how come u did not offer them the answers and explanations they were always used to recieve...
In the end, all will be clear, to u and to them!
Sacrifices should be made. sacrifice is never nessecerily bad. sacrifice is a smart yet risky move!
Some trains are just unstopable.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
7agat
sima
soda3
rayeb
mcvities
shanta
lebs
7abl el ghaseel
ottat
balkona
shagara
sereer
iftis
ma
friends...
attr
tazakr
shebak
noam...
Aswan... :)
YES!
soda3
rayeb
mcvities
shanta
lebs
7abl el ghaseel
ottat
balkona
shagara
sereer
iftis
ma
friends...
attr
tazakr
shebak
noam...
Aswan... :)
YES!
Monday, January 5, 2009
no mint, no sugar :) good company.
Today was a strangely flexible day. although it took me an hr and a half to get from maadi to mohandessin, i mean come on i would've made it from Cairo to Ein el sokhna in that time.. ironic!
On the road,
But still life is fair. in return i got to ride in a new comfy Hyundai Verna taxi, with a sweet driver and a CD player, he had some crappy music on at first then i asked him if he wouldn't mind to change it and he gave me a couple of Cd's to choose from.. tamer hosny.. ihab tawfee2.. shereen.. asala.. amr diab... pop mix and om kolthoom... it was 4:20pm the sun was warm, we were driving on the kornish and i can see many palms far at the horizon, so it felt like an om kolthum moment that i just couldn't resist... Mohammad Sha3ban (the 50 year old driver from Gena upper Egypt) kindly turned on om kolthum for me... the sound was perfect the weather was perfect, the traffic started to increase but with "el sett" playin in the afternoon, u would feel completely numb if it was all the traffic in the world ur stuck in. it was a magical hour, it always is at that time of day...
At Cindy's,
it was mostly silent, she did most of the talking i would respond, she seemed to run out of things to say and this is when it gets all awkward, i fear that she might think I'm holding back or am hiding things and that am not sharing and opening up, but simply i was never the narrator!
i mostly respond... don't know if that's good or bad...
she kindly made me green tea without mint:) and she bought me 2 swiss rolls, and she made me beleela bs she forgot to boil the sugar in with it so the milk was sweet and the beleela was... but effort appreciated.
i spent 5 mins with Yasmeen and Habiba in the same room with the door shut, these 5 mins were capable of making me feel that ohhh my god i should go buy myself a coffin right away and get ready to die, but amazingly they did that in a comic kinda way!
The three sisters are a completion of each other, they complete each other in such a harmonical funny hysterical way, they are like "ya 3in ya leil", whatever that means :)) there simply amazing!
Mahmoud... my friend whether he likes it or not, he IS! he's my buddy, howa ahh 2alesh and somtimes he's a pain in the bagoonies but that's wut i like abt him :D i mean at the end of the day im sleeping in maadi and hes sleeping in mohandessin :))
i really wanted to see "Tant" el gamila :) bs i didnt want to bother her... so i decided i shud write her a letter, habibaz pen was a pieceof crap so my handwriting sucked and the pen didn't even make it till the end of the letter so i got out my pen and continued.. i hope she was able to read it, and i hope it planted a slight smile on her face :) coz she deserves it!
On the road back home,
Kindly Hassan gave me a drive to maadi :) and he made me listen to the new Dido album which was very soothing and made me feel sleepier than i was already! on the way i discovered i forgot my phone and my coat. the day before i also forgot my glasses at nanuz...ana mastoola. FACT!
Home,
i forgot to tell mom "i missed you, why didn't u call me all day?" although i really wanted too... el 7aya talahee... we orderd burgers, fed the cats, cuddeled them, fought over the computer... nagged at each other like cat and mouse (as usual)... mom went to bed and here iam sitting on my blue chair writing... :)
Word of the day,
"a3ooth bellah men 3aynin la tadma3!"
**cant wait till Wednesday...Aswan prepare ur palette, here i come**
On the road,
But still life is fair. in return i got to ride in a new comfy Hyundai Verna taxi, with a sweet driver and a CD player, he had some crappy music on at first then i asked him if he wouldn't mind to change it and he gave me a couple of Cd's to choose from.. tamer hosny.. ihab tawfee2.. shereen.. asala.. amr diab... pop mix and om kolthoom... it was 4:20pm the sun was warm, we were driving on the kornish and i can see many palms far at the horizon, so it felt like an om kolthum moment that i just couldn't resist... Mohammad Sha3ban (the 50 year old driver from Gena upper Egypt) kindly turned on om kolthum for me... the sound was perfect the weather was perfect, the traffic started to increase but with "el sett" playin in the afternoon, u would feel completely numb if it was all the traffic in the world ur stuck in. it was a magical hour, it always is at that time of day...
At Cindy's,
it was mostly silent, she did most of the talking i would respond, she seemed to run out of things to say and this is when it gets all awkward, i fear that she might think I'm holding back or am hiding things and that am not sharing and opening up, but simply i was never the narrator!
i mostly respond... don't know if that's good or bad...
she kindly made me green tea without mint:) and she bought me 2 swiss rolls, and she made me beleela bs she forgot to boil the sugar in with it so the milk was sweet and the beleela was... but effort appreciated.
i spent 5 mins with Yasmeen and Habiba in the same room with the door shut, these 5 mins were capable of making me feel that ohhh my god i should go buy myself a coffin right away and get ready to die, but amazingly they did that in a comic kinda way!
The three sisters are a completion of each other, they complete each other in such a harmonical funny hysterical way, they are like "ya 3in ya leil", whatever that means :)) there simply amazing!
Mahmoud... my friend whether he likes it or not, he IS! he's my buddy, howa ahh 2alesh and somtimes he's a pain in the bagoonies but that's wut i like abt him :D i mean at the end of the day im sleeping in maadi and hes sleeping in mohandessin :))
i really wanted to see "Tant" el gamila :) bs i didnt want to bother her... so i decided i shud write her a letter, habibaz pen was a pieceof crap so my handwriting sucked and the pen didn't even make it till the end of the letter so i got out my pen and continued.. i hope she was able to read it, and i hope it planted a slight smile on her face :) coz she deserves it!
On the road back home,
Kindly Hassan gave me a drive to maadi :) and he made me listen to the new Dido album which was very soothing and made me feel sleepier than i was already! on the way i discovered i forgot my phone and my coat. the day before i also forgot my glasses at nanuz...ana mastoola. FACT!
Home,
i forgot to tell mom "i missed you, why didn't u call me all day?" although i really wanted too... el 7aya talahee... we orderd burgers, fed the cats, cuddeled them, fought over the computer... nagged at each other like cat and mouse (as usual)... mom went to bed and here iam sitting on my blue chair writing... :)
Word of the day,
"a3ooth bellah men 3aynin la tadma3!"
**cant wait till Wednesday...Aswan prepare ur palette, here i come**
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Faces
Faces... my god how beautiful and magnificent faces can be.
Millions of faces, not one looks like the other, each face carries a story a past present and future, a million chapters... a million moments came across and left there mark on that skin and complexion.
A face carries time.
A face is history.
It is a crystal ball from which u can read the future.
A face, my god its a bless, its the gate to ones world... i want to know someone i shall look at his face directly into his eyes, and stay there for as long as possible.. its amazing what u will find hidden inside... but only if u look long enough... if u just look long enough, u could win the hearts of a nation!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Strongest kick.
Ali. the new member in our family. Ali and i had the most wonderful conversation today. Ali is 2 and a half months old. he likes snoopy. so do i. so does his mother. so did my late dearest lovely aunt Mona. i should mention that Alis mom is also called Mona... if i ever have a daughter i will call her Mona, that is one thing i know for sure. i told him that i was ready to trade my snoopy 7asala with his snoopy pyjamas, and i think he liked the deal. i inherited the snoopy 7asala from my late aunt Mona. she died young. she was beautiful and smart. she had kidney failure. she was very young when it was first diagnosed. i guess she was still in high school preparing for college. she married Luigi an Italian man, with a big belly, huge mustache and a kind heart. he loved her, she did too. they never had children. Mona was the youngest, and she was my favourite aunt. i'd always feel so happy whenever mom tells me u remind me so much of Mona, or when grandma would call me Mona by mistake.
i hope Ali and i would grow to be good friends. i think he would be a gr8 football player coz he keeps on kicking all the time... u never know maybe he'd end up to be on of the greatest swimmers, something like Micheal Phelps but the Egyptian version of him, the swimmer with the strongest kick ever!
i hope Ali and i would grow to be good friends. i think he would be a gr8 football player coz he keeps on kicking all the time... u never know maybe he'd end up to be on of the greatest swimmers, something like Micheal Phelps but the Egyptian version of him, the swimmer with the strongest kick ever!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
The cycle of injustice just wont stop.
This is something i heard years ago in the very first entefada, on "El manar channel", i recorded it and stared writing it down on paper...
it feels bad bringing it out again, and actually typing it down using as for it really goes all so fine with the current events... no difference the same shit on and on...
it really caught my heart the very first time i heard it, it still does... it goes like follows...
________________________________
"For those who believe in humanity... for those who believe in liberty and those that still have some sanity!
Its a message of truth from starting point till infinity... an innocent child is calling, yes he is calling.. cries of agony!
The world still watching, strangers raped his land, destroyed his home soil and sand, burnt his house along with the green so flowers cant grow.
In the land of Palestine a child is calling, yes he is calling... Cries of agony!
Where as we will never surrender, revolution of truth is our aim.
The stone that i throw holds my name...
For this dear Palestine you'll be free from all this shame, this evil filth that occupies my sacred land has come to an end, look how frightened they are!!!
Just look how frightened they are! and how we are filled with rage...
Imagine what they fear.
What they fear is the truth.. the heart.. the soul that we hold.
Dear Palestine your roses will grow again...
Al Quds is ours!
Its soil has spoke, yes, the soil has spoken the words of God above - it will be free for the time has come...
Behold my innocent child.. the stone that holds my name heard you cry!"
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