Recollect

Have I ever mentioned that I have a "positive diary", it’s a dairy I bought about a year ago, and I decided not to write anything negative in it, at the beginning of every new entry I would write at the top right of the page "keep it positive"!
That forces me to focus only on the full half of the cup and see nothing but it! :)

Here I am allowed to spill it all out the way I wish to, because here my tips touch nothing but mute cold plastic, and the letters iam supposedly writing do not carry my identity.
But with my diary its different it’s real paper with a significant scent and texture paper that has my handwriting my identity. My diary simply breaths!

So if I’m writing abt something bad that has happened, I have to make it sound optimistic and full of light at the end...LIGHT!

Light is a word that is able to bring me instant comfort, sense of security and a kind sense of power.

And as I didn’t allow negativity to reach my diary for as it is dear and precious to me, I don’t want it to reach my friends and the people I care abt most.

For instance today when I was at Cindy’s I could feel my negative presence haunt the room were in, a feeling I hated... a feeling I don’t like to feel and can hardly control these days.

And because I care, I sometimes need some distance to allow me to overcome that negative aura of mine... coz I believe it’s contagious!

I don’t know but Cindy is probably reading this and cursing at me or something.

Girl I want u to know that I need that badly... I just hate it when every time we hang out I seem so gloomy... I DO NOT want to be remembered that way and I do not want to complain coz there is nothing actually to complain abt el7amdolelah!

My life is amazing and I keep forgetting that, I’ve been offered so much and I keep forgetting that, I have dreams, am powerful, am talented and I keep forgetting that am a good person and I JUST KEEP FORGETTING THAT!!!

I need to keep a distance so I can see things from a bird’s eye view so I can see the real size of everything... so I can remember again!

I need to wake up and make new plans and finish old ones.

I need to recollect myself again.