Have I ever mentioned that I have a "positive diary", it’s a dairy I bought about a year ago, and I decided not to write anything negative in it, at the beginning of every new entry I would write at the top right of the page "keep it positive"!
That forces me to focus only on the full half of the cup and see nothing but it! :)
Here I am allowed to spill it all out the way I wish to, because here my tips touch nothing but mute cold plastic, and the letters iam supposedly writing do not carry my identity.
But with my diary its different it’s real paper with a significant scent and texture paper that has my handwriting my identity. My diary simply breaths!
So if I’m writing abt something bad that has happened, I have to make it sound optimistic and full of light at the end...LIGHT!
Light is a word that is able to bring me instant comfort, sense of security and a kind sense of power.
And as I didn’t allow negativity to reach my diary for as it is dear and precious to me, I don’t want it to reach my friends and the people I care abt most.
For instance today when I was at Cindy’s I could feel my negative presence haunt the room were in, a feeling I hated... a feeling I don’t like to feel and can hardly control these days.
And because I care, I sometimes need some distance to allow me to overcome that negative aura of mine... coz I believe it’s contagious!
I don’t know but Cindy is probably reading this and cursing at me or something.
Girl I want u to know that I need that badly... I just hate it when every time we hang out I seem so gloomy... I DO NOT want to be remembered that way and I do not want to complain coz there is nothing actually to complain abt el7amdolelah!
My life is amazing and I keep forgetting that, I’ve been offered so much and I keep forgetting that, I have dreams, am powerful, am talented and I keep forgetting that am a good person and I JUST KEEP FORGETTING THAT!!!
I need to keep a distance so I can see things from a bird’s eye view so I can see the real size of everything... so I can remember again!
I need to wake up and make new plans and finish old ones.
I need to recollect myself again.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Recollect
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8 comments:
THAT IS NOT FAIR !!!
that's not fair GOD Damn it !!
cause first we are friends ok?actually best of friends and you dont walk away from friends Rana ..you just dont !!!!!!!
second you have seen me gloomy,and blue and ugly and smelly and everything that falls between..and i didnt tell u leave me alone..cause whether u like it or not you are my best friend !
third to be able to see a bird view you need wings and i thought ..always thought that friends are like that !
YOU CANT BREAK UP WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND ! YOU CANT TAKE A BREAK FROM YOUR BEST FRIEND ! that is plain brutal !
....................
and btw u never remembered as gloomy or negative or what so ever !
..anyway
i sound as pathetic as it may sound..
dont know what to say..
keep your distant and fly
i really hope you will have some comfort and peace ,
rbna m3aky
i thought that what friends are for anyway ..
BREAK UP?!!!
who said anything about breaking up or breaks or walking away?!!
And yes i might have seen u in ur worst of states but i have no problem with that, and on ur side u dnt have problems exposing urself in such states.
but i do! iam willing to bare anything from my friends, but i couldnt bare to feel for just a little bit that i might be a burden or a bad influence or not as supportive and motivating and livly as i should be to anyone not only my best friends...
Damn! i'd be on the phone with u now but i dont hv credit!!! :S
and this post is a creation of a "no credit" situation, i wanted to talk to you, and i had no credit, and i badly wanted to spill that out and voila tere it was a post, that obviously appeared to be dramatic to you when its not.. at all!
kholasa call me when ever u can...Plz! ;)
whatever!
btw a (klmni shokrn) would have done the trick..or a msg on face book ..
and am not dramatic or what so ever ..
actually
good for u .. maybe that's what u need after all
take care
peace out !
1st. ur questioning my integrity
2nd. u think am accusing u of being dramatic, which im not if u simply read carefully, which i dont recommend coz its only a waste of precious time.
3rd. u rap it up by "etfel2i" but in a diplomatic way. :)
Thank you for your support and for making things easier.
i quote u ( that obviously appeared to be dramatic to you when its not.. at all! )
Rana u do that all the time .. only this time you wrote it here ..which is (br7tk) that's ur blog asasn :)
each time u do it .. u break my heart..and i'd like to remind u of the last time u did tht when u came home and we had that moment in the kitchen !
i respect that everyone needs to be alone.. but with this rate .. with me..
it's a heartbreak !
am done waiting for u to call..i give u ur space and i respect it .. so dont expect that when u write such a post i'll be like (yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah a7'yrn rana htb3d ya salam msh momken) :) ok?
it's not abt me ..it's abt u ..
take ur time..
recollect..
but dont expect me to be happy that it's that hard for u..for me (ur best friend) to be vulnerable with ..
it hurts..
but again it's ok..
im sorry i cant call u..
bgd..
not now anyway
rbna m3aky fel mozkra
salam
and sorry u took my words as (etfl2i) it's not meant to be anyway..
bye
I have a hand-written diary of my own. It's true that it has your real identity. Despite the fond of computers, when it comes to your real self, there is nothing better than blank paper (without lines) and a pen. Nice post
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