Thursday, February 26, 2009

Dream for sale

ive been wanting to do and say many things lately and all i do is hold myself back... besause its either inappropriate, bad timing, will not repair the broken or to simply save myself embaressment and awkward situations.
holding back requires strength, a kind of strength am not sure i possess.

tv, remotes, cars, mobile phones, computers, neon lights, sky scrapers, high heels, junck food, "organic", medication, homosexuals, diamonds, shopping malls, cosmectics, plastic surgery, sattelites, stockmarkets, guns, war, athesim... they all represent one idea, they are all an illusion of a big dream (nightmare), a dream for sale, a dream im not willing to buy.

i like riding the metro when its not so crowded, i like riding it at abt 4:30 on a day off, everyone looks relaxed the sun is warm and golden... people on the metro are an intresting subject to gaze at for a hole 20 mins...

zahret el bostan hiding in the alley beside cafe riche in down town... cozy, they have good mango juice and mooz belabann.. but they dont have green tea.. i miss green tea. with mint!

i had a dream.. i dreamt that i gave birth to a baby boy and i wasnt able to name him.
i shud give myself a chance to remember my dreams the moment i wake up, i shud give myself three mins.. just laying there, i think it should help me recall my dreams... i think a dream is a very important part of who you are, we should give it the time and attention it needs.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

A new canvas

i miss the process of sharpening my pencil, taking my time, and thinking of a million things when doing so.
i miss the sound of my pencil on textured paper... i miss the the strokes, the varying forces of pressure, all the shades and tones the lines curves and figures...
i miss the brush the canvas and the strong smell of cheap turpentine.. i miss my palette, the half full color tubes all so squashed and scattered, i miss the process of mixing colors trying so hard to come up with the perfect shade of color, i miss my sprint to the stationary store across the street to buy a particular shade of blue that would give me my ever so magical shade of purple when mixed with deep red.
no outlines, only areas of colors does it all...
Black is not aloud on my palette, in my tool box or anywhere near me, i miss giving black away or even throwing it out the window!
its been long, i really missed u my dear muse, its always tough times without you around.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

kareem wa7ashni awi... ana ezay me2asara f 7a2o kda... ana lazem arou7 ashofo!