A very special dedication

Dedicated to Ibhog and Noha :)
http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plSc68nZWN4&feature=fvw

Is it!

Is it strange how the sight of piles of old books appearing from behind a window of an old house on a cold Maadi night can instantly make me smile from the heart... :)

Mewww...

Today will be my first day since a year or more to work on an oil painting.
Am so anxious... i have butterflies in my stomach, my hands are a bit shaky and i have lumps in my throat...

I hope everything goes well.

The most tender embrace

Today i bought a new bookmarker... a turquoise bookmarker, it’s a satin turquoise ribbon with turquoise pieces of glass at each end, the glass parts are separated by silver like pieces...
Turquoise. a color i love and appreciate but less likely to wear.. It’s a peaceful color especially in glass...

GLASS. One of my favorite elements it makes me feel safe, because it’s see through, because light is able to penetrate it.
It shines and twinkles.
Allows u to witness the most magical of scenes yet keep u safe and comforted.
When u breath warm air on its cold surface, u get to draw a heart with ur finger in a slow careful motion and watch it fade away...

At the bookstore, I passed by the children’s section had a flashback that took me back about a year ago, and left me there hanging with that memory in a melancholic state.

Am forcing myself to move on, watching myself from outside in great pity, watching the struggle I’m going through to simply move… to “move on” dragging my bruised spirit behind me on a coarse ground.
I imagine that things will keep intensifying till the pressure is unbearable and I will end up exploding creating a whole new galaxy of mine, I believe it’ll be a pretty scene. I hope…

Facts are sometimes unable to change the direction of our emotions, sometimes emotions can be much more stronger and overwhelming, they can take over what u have left of remaining sense.

I thank God for the faith I have been blessed, it is the only thing keeping me soulful and somehow collected.

It's when I steer towards the light several times through the day, it’s only then that I truly feel the raw form of affection.
The most tender embrace!

Haunting

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0U_H6wLsWM

its been playing through my head for days now... haunting me!

:)

Withdrawal

It happens to be that, the more you are seen and heard from, the more your value degrades.

You become a habit.

Subtly, without your knowing why, people respect you less and less.

At the right moment you must learn to withdraw yourself, before they unconsciously push you away...

My will

In my funeral I want my family and friends to dress in white I don’t want them to mourn for long, I don’t want them to cry too much and they should try to smile as much as possible.
There shall be white and green balloons and plants with any kind of flower.
I want them to serve fresh juice.

When it comes to "Al ghosl" I want a total stranger to do it, someone that has no idea who iam and never met me before, no one that knows me shud be allowed around me at that stage.

I want everyone I know from near or far to be there at salat alganaza, starting with my parents ending with the security guards and janitors...

People that have to be there apart from family are Cindy and her family Mimi, Yasmin Habiba, Mahmoud and Cindy’s beautiful uncle and her aunt Fatin, Mohammad Salah, Heba Ragheb and Yomna Khalid,Iftis (Ibtesam), Dr. Abdelaziz.
Last but not least Hassan Khalil.

My belongings shud be divided between my closest friends Cindy, Salah, Sarah and Hassan.

I want my diaries to rotate around those four for them to read.

in case of having my own children and husband then my belongings shud stay "home", and my home shud be welcoming any of my close friends who feel like going through my things whenever they plz each of my friends could pick one special item that they think reminds them of me to keep... and my diaries will still be rotating for them to read.


If I die after any of my parents I want to be buried beside them.

If I die before then they both shud make sure they are buried next to me.

I want letters of gratitude to everyone that came across my life sent on my behalf... make them smile!

Plant a tree on my behalf and name it after my first child’s name as a dedication from me. If I haven’t got children name it after me with the quote "we enter naked, we exit naked and in between we spend our life trying to cover up."
And one of my favorite Quran verses "...و جعلناكم شعوباًو قبائل لتعارفوا..."


TO BE CONTINUED...