In my funeral I want my family and friends to dress in white I don’t want them to mourn for long, I don’t want them to cry too much and they should try to smile as much as possible.
There shall be white and green balloons and plants with any kind of flower.
I want them to serve fresh juice.
When it comes to "Al ghosl" I want a total stranger to do it, someone that has no idea who iam and never met me before, no one that knows me shud be allowed around me at that stage.
I want everyone I know from near or far to be there at salat alganaza, starting with my parents ending with the security guards and janitors...
People that have to be there apart from family are Cindy and her family Mimi, Yasmin Habiba, Mahmoud and Cindy’s beautiful uncle and her aunt Fatin, Mohammad Salah, Heba Ragheb and Yomna Khalid,Iftis (Ibtesam), Dr. Abdelaziz.
Last but not least Hassan Khalil.
My belongings shud be divided between my closest friends Cindy, Salah, Sarah and Hassan.
I want my diaries to rotate around those four for them to read.
in case of having my own children and husband then my belongings shud stay "home", and my home shud be welcoming any of my close friends who feel like going through my things whenever they plz each of my friends could pick one special item that they think reminds them of me to keep... and my diaries will still be rotating for them to read.
If I die after any of my parents I want to be buried beside them.
If I die before then they both shud make sure they are buried next to me.
I want letters of gratitude to everyone that came across my life sent on my behalf... make them smile!
Plant a tree on my behalf and name it after my first child’s name as a dedication from me. If I haven’t got children name it after me with the quote "we enter naked, we exit naked and in between we spend our life trying to cover up."
And one of my favorite Quran verses "...و جعلناكم شعوباًو قبائل لتعارفوا..."
TO BE CONTINUED...
Monday, November 9, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Cinderella's greatest fear
Rana says:
hey girl....
,, says:
hey
Rana says:
how r u feeling
,, says:
shocked
Rana says:
cry it out go wash up etwadi w salleelo... i did so my self..
,, says:
i cant cry
tears are frozen inside my eyes
i can feel the blood boling in my veins
but i cant cry
Rana says:
life does it over and over again yet everytime seems like there very first time
,, says:
he was gona b 29 this november
.. he was alone
and now he is alone
in a fridge somewhere in a strange hospital in a strange country
when u come to think abt it.. he travelled to die
Rana says:
thats just a body but hes not alone
,, says:
it was his first time for him to ever ride a plane
he was so excited
Rana says:
death offers the most rosey introductions somtimes
gamilagirl@hotmail.com said (12:21 AM):
http://jazzylife.wordpress.com/2009/11/06/islam-died/
Rana says:
the pillow always helps a tear to flow
,, says:
i dont want to cry..
msh 3yza .. 7'yfa a3yt
ansah
Rana says:
That will never happen!
,, says:
my mum cant stop crying and telling me that i turned to an ice girl
w ezay ana msh monhara
Rana says:
ur not its just that the moment u cry it is definatly a very true and sincere moment... it will be
coz all these thoughts smashing against the walls of ur head will end up to one collected true emotion.. not necessarily sadness
,, says:
ana msh msd2a nfsi
islam tawafa
am looking at his email account on my msn list..
i cant believe it
Rana says:
belive it ya cindy and not only believe la2 prepare urself... prepare urself becoz the fact is its not the first and will not be the last time that such a thing happens
such a "natural" thing
,, says:
death in my greatest fear of all
Rana says:
you know that this is what we need to change
treating death as the boogy man... treating it as being BAD!
remember what marwa fl msr7 said
the story she tod us abt the man that had his house explode with his family inside
remember how it sounded like a tragedy but ended up to be a hidden disguise
a bless
blessings dnt necessarily appear in the most pleasant forms
the trick is to see through
and beyond...
hey girl....
,, says:
hey
Rana says:
how r u feeling
,, says:
shocked
Rana says:
cry it out go wash up etwadi w salleelo... i did so my self..
,, says:
i cant cry
tears are frozen inside my eyes
i can feel the blood boling in my veins
but i cant cry
Rana says:
life does it over and over again yet everytime seems like there very first time
,, says:
he was gona b 29 this november
.. he was alone
and now he is alone
in a fridge somewhere in a strange hospital in a strange country
when u come to think abt it.. he travelled to die
Rana says:
thats just a body but hes not alone
,, says:
it was his first time for him to ever ride a plane
he was so excited
Rana says:
death offers the most rosey introductions somtimes
gamilagirl@hotmail.com said (12:21 AM):
http://jazzylife.wordpress.com/2009/11/06/islam-died/
Rana says:
the pillow always helps a tear to flow
,, says:
i dont want to cry..
msh 3yza .. 7'yfa a3yt
ansah
Rana says:
That will never happen!
,, says:
my mum cant stop crying and telling me that i turned to an ice girl
w ezay ana msh monhara
Rana says:
ur not its just that the moment u cry it is definatly a very true and sincere moment... it will be
coz all these thoughts smashing against the walls of ur head will end up to one collected true emotion.. not necessarily sadness
,, says:
ana msh msd2a nfsi
islam tawafa
am looking at his email account on my msn list..
i cant believe it
Rana says:
belive it ya cindy and not only believe la2 prepare urself... prepare urself becoz the fact is its not the first and will not be the last time that such a thing happens
such a "natural" thing
,, says:
death in my greatest fear of all
Rana says:
you know that this is what we need to change
treating death as the boogy man... treating it as being BAD!
remember what marwa fl msr7 said
the story she tod us abt the man that had his house explode with his family inside
remember how it sounded like a tragedy but ended up to be a hidden disguise
a bless
blessings dnt necessarily appear in the most pleasant forms
the trick is to see through
and beyond...
Friday, October 30, 2009
Goodbye ponytail
I reached an extent of denial abt my hair that when i rised from bed this morning the first thing that faced me was a mirror, i looked at my reflection in quite a shock and burst into endless tears of uninvited regret...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tiG-y-E6I0g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tiG-y-E6I0g
Sunday, October 25, 2009
A dream
I had a dream that i gave birth to a baby girl... and only when she was 2 yrs old or so that i realised she was named after me, my daughter and i carried the same name!
I was so furious wondering how such a thing could happen when i had a list of names prepared for that special person since i was fourteen!!!
And i also realised that it was too late to fix, coz the girl was almost two now and named Rana.
I was so furious wondering how such a thing could happen when i had a list of names prepared for that special person since i was fourteen!!!
And i also realised that it was too late to fix, coz the girl was almost two now and named Rana.
رائحة الشمس
رائحة الشمس
ما نحن - الرجال - إلا أطفال أمهاتنا. مهما كبرنا أو استطلنا تظل أمهاتنا حاملات أسرار لمعجزات نظل نرتجيها. ولقد كانت معجزة أمي أنها تخبئ بعضا من الشمس في ثيابنا المغسولة.
سأظل أتذكر أنها كانت تجمع الغسيل بعد جفافه عندما تبدأ الشمس رحلة هبوطها بعد العصر، وعلى الكنبة التي بركن الصالة ترتفع كومة الثياب النظيفة. وفي هذه الكومة كنت ألقي بنفسي لأغرق في رائحة الشمس، فلقد كانت الثياب النظيفة تلك تمنح أنفاسي رائحة لم تكن في وعيي غير رائحة الشمس راحت كومة الثياب عن كنبة الصالة وغابت إلى الأبد.
وكبرت أنا إلى حد أنه حتى لو ظلت الكومة ما كنت أستطيع أن ألقي بنفسي فيها.وكل ما أستطيعه الآن هو أن أوصي زوجتي بأن لا تجمع الغسيل المنشور إلا بعد العصر , وبزعم أنني أساعدها في جمع الغسيل ألتقط قطعة منه وأغرق وجهي فيها.
تضحك زوجتي قائلة: "كف عن الوسوسة"، تحسبني أتشمم الغسيل لأتيقن من نظافته، فهي لا تعرف أنني أبحث عن معجزة من كانت تخبئ بعضا من الشمس في ثيابنا أبحث عن عطر أمي.
قصة قصيرة لمحمد المخزنجي.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
In random order
The List
In random order
The list is a rough sketch that describes the man i would care to grow old with.
I have never imagined i could end up making a list of things i need in a man, although i have tried several times to do so, but my trials were all in vain.
Suddenly things have become clear to me... maybe because i was that close to that example of a man!
The list may seem too perfected; the list may contain many things i do not possess myself.
And because it is simply insane to wish for things you know you are not worthy of, i doubtlessly am working on BEING that person, for when he comes i will know that i am deserving of him.
The list is my guide... so i guess i will need my friends to tell me what are the things that i already possess from all the below. :)
o Funny
o Kind
o Patient
o Beautiful in my eyes
o Generous with his smiles
o With at least average intelligence or more
o Excited about life with a wide range of interests
o Ambitious
o Good at one thing- be it talent or career
o Willing to trust me and let me in before i trust him
o Able to talk me through things, take my hand and lead me gently (leader, provider and supporter)
o Able to give me advice when I need it, and listen when all I need is to be heard
o Supportive and encouraging
o Offers me the sense of security and completeness I need
o Brings out the best in me through clear communication and positive motivation
o Doesn’t care about cultural stereotypes or what people think
o Isn’t afraid to get a little crazy every now and then
o Generous.
o Dependable
o Does not have a bad temper and isn’t insecure about his manhood in such a way that he needs to constantly prove it
o Is okay asking me for help and lending me a hand when i need it
o It wud be nice if he has a good successful career- but isn’t essential
o Socially extroverted
o Can just fill a whole room with talk and laughter
o Doesn’t feel awkward or weirded out easily
o Feels comfortable expressing love and affection to me in front of family and friends without being too shy and conservative about it.
o It wud b nice if he’s a bit built...
In random order
The list is a rough sketch that describes the man i would care to grow old with.
I have never imagined i could end up making a list of things i need in a man, although i have tried several times to do so, but my trials were all in vain.
Suddenly things have become clear to me... maybe because i was that close to that example of a man!
The list may seem too perfected; the list may contain many things i do not possess myself.
And because it is simply insane to wish for things you know you are not worthy of, i doubtlessly am working on BEING that person, for when he comes i will know that i am deserving of him.
The list is my guide... so i guess i will need my friends to tell me what are the things that i already possess from all the below. :)
o Funny
o Kind
o Patient
o Beautiful in my eyes
o Generous with his smiles
o With at least average intelligence or more
o Excited about life with a wide range of interests
o Ambitious
o Good at one thing- be it talent or career
o Willing to trust me and let me in before i trust him
o Able to talk me through things, take my hand and lead me gently (leader, provider and supporter)
o Able to give me advice when I need it, and listen when all I need is to be heard
o Supportive and encouraging
o Offers me the sense of security and completeness I need
o Brings out the best in me through clear communication and positive motivation
o Doesn’t care about cultural stereotypes or what people think
o Isn’t afraid to get a little crazy every now and then
o Generous.
o Dependable
o Does not have a bad temper and isn’t insecure about his manhood in such a way that he needs to constantly prove it
o Is okay asking me for help and lending me a hand when i need it
o It wud be nice if he has a good successful career- but isn’t essential
o Socially extroverted
o Can just fill a whole room with talk and laughter
o Doesn’t feel awkward or weirded out easily
o Feels comfortable expressing love and affection to me in front of family and friends without being too shy and conservative about it.
o It wud b nice if he’s a bit built...
To be continued…
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Coco
Its 2:10am
I made my warm coco, preparing to go to bed.
Listening to Chopin prelude no 4.
I want to go to college tomorrow, i miss my pen and paper.
Waiting for the effect of warm milk to sink in so i can sleep easily, im in no need to think a lot before going to bed.
I went to my dentist today, the one that i think im beginning to develop a crush on him (prelude no 15 raindrop now), i just cant help it he uses his wicked charms on me throwing and asking comments and questions that i know for sure its no more than a doctor who likes complimenting his patients...
Although somewhere inside me hoped that it was for real, a part of me that i cannot deny, a part of me that i have to force into silence, a part of me that is so feminine...!
Im looking for somthing to wear on my cousins engagment day... i still have to look i hope i can find somthing that really looks nice on me and for a good price...
Am planning to go to Nagham masry's concert at rawabet isa :)
Good night blog spot...ohhh forgot to tell u that i named my bike "Sanabel" :)
I made my warm coco, preparing to go to bed.
Listening to Chopin prelude no 4.
I want to go to college tomorrow, i miss my pen and paper.
Waiting for the effect of warm milk to sink in so i can sleep easily, im in no need to think a lot before going to bed.
I went to my dentist today, the one that i think im beginning to develop a crush on him (prelude no 15 raindrop now), i just cant help it he uses his wicked charms on me throwing and asking comments and questions that i know for sure its no more than a doctor who likes complimenting his patients...
Although somewhere inside me hoped that it was for real, a part of me that i cannot deny, a part of me that i have to force into silence, a part of me that is so feminine...!
Im looking for somthing to wear on my cousins engagment day... i still have to look i hope i can find somthing that really looks nice on me and for a good price...
Am planning to go to Nagham masry's concert at rawabet isa :)
Good night blog spot...ohhh forgot to tell u that i named my bike "Sanabel" :)
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