the weather is getting warmer every day, the berry tree sprung new tiny fresh green leaves, usualy thats a sign of season changes.
yesterday in the metro i felt that the air was thick, i got the feeling of stillness although there was constant movement, above all stillness in my mind a freeze with a haunting presence...
i woke up today to find that my cat had urinated on my bed while i was sleeping, such a pleasent thing to rise on.
i shud be heading to elcindbindz now, shes going to give away her black kitten to a friend of mine from college.
i put polly and dodo food, dodo ate and is now sleeping and polly is fasting i guess he didnt come near it, hes now sitting next to me giving me the look the "tasbeela" look!
msh kefaya shkhet 3ala seriri "yabo shakha" 3al ra2yek ya mimi!
men el wade7 enaha genat fel 3ela ya tant :S
hmmm well i guess am goin to rap it up now and get going.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Fairytale
El cindbind (Cinderella). my friend. she’s one of those people that u don’t realise just how beautiful they really are the moment u meet them, just like anything precious in the world, (diamonds were once hiding under dull rocks!)
El cindbind, God she’s so pretty as in looks, frankly I noticed how pretty she is after getting used to her, and after memorising her facial details by heart, she has deceiving looks, the kind that can make u underestimate her level of beauty when seeing her for the first time and then discovering by time how blind u were.
she is a beauty.
a precious kind of beauty, the inside out kind!
she has an unbelievable sense of humor.
she’s smart with big brains and a big heart.
she’s a good friend, and a great future wife and mother!
she’s a fighter a survivor and a lover for life.
she’s really good with details, very careful with them and points them out easily!
she holds such creative imagination that lead to creative ideas, which means she is far from boring! :)
I love how she exactly knows what her rights are, and how she’s never hesitates to demand them.
I love how she stands up for other people, even if those other people were strangers she never met and never will meet!
I love how I feel safe with her, she’s someone u can relay and depend on.
**Those last 4 or 5 points are things I would love my kids to learn from you ya cinbind :)
El cindbind is sometimes overly sensitive about little things, I guess this is the one major thing that might piss me off abt her!
And because I know how strong of a woman she is, I really hate it when I watch her allow her insecurities to get hold of her and swallow her up.
I worry when she’s too sarcastic, I get the feeling that she’s trying to hide something behind all the laughs and jokes.
I hate the way she plays around with her kitty cats it’s too frek'n aggressive!!!
But in the end she is still one of a kind, so special in her way and very very precious.
She is a bless to all the people she enters or even simply passes by their lives.
She is a fairytale!
El cindbind, God she’s so pretty as in looks, frankly I noticed how pretty she is after getting used to her, and after memorising her facial details by heart, she has deceiving looks, the kind that can make u underestimate her level of beauty when seeing her for the first time and then discovering by time how blind u were.
she is a beauty.
a precious kind of beauty, the inside out kind!
she has an unbelievable sense of humor.
she’s smart with big brains and a big heart.
she’s a good friend, and a great future wife and mother!
she’s a fighter a survivor and a lover for life.
she’s really good with details, very careful with them and points them out easily!
she holds such creative imagination that lead to creative ideas, which means she is far from boring! :)
I love how she exactly knows what her rights are, and how she’s never hesitates to demand them.
I love how she stands up for other people, even if those other people were strangers she never met and never will meet!
I love how I feel safe with her, she’s someone u can relay and depend on.
**Those last 4 or 5 points are things I would love my kids to learn from you ya cinbind :)
El cindbind is sometimes overly sensitive about little things, I guess this is the one major thing that might piss me off abt her!
And because I know how strong of a woman she is, I really hate it when I watch her allow her insecurities to get hold of her and swallow her up.
I worry when she’s too sarcastic, I get the feeling that she’s trying to hide something behind all the laughs and jokes.
I hate the way she plays around with her kitty cats it’s too frek'n aggressive!!!
But in the end she is still one of a kind, so special in her way and very very precious.
She is a bless to all the people she enters or even simply passes by their lives.
She is a fairytale!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Afraid
aslong as im alone im ok.
aslong as there isnt other people feelings included im ok.
aslong as im not too close not too far im ok.
aslong as im dealing with other people issues and mine are out of the picture im ok.
mingling my issues with others is not a really good idea.
im always ok but not nessecarily happy.
one man needs to feel peoples love and warmth every now and then.
one man needs to feel that somone really cares.
one man needs to be taken care of looked after, just like a little baby.
one man needs to surrender unjudged.
i need to surrender, but im always afraid, of what exactly? im not really certain.
surrendering means letting go, letting go means getting deeply involved, deeply involved means too many details, too many details means complicated, complicated means problems, problems mean pain.
im afraid of pain!
aslong as there isnt other people feelings included im ok.
aslong as im not too close not too far im ok.
aslong as im dealing with other people issues and mine are out of the picture im ok.
mingling my issues with others is not a really good idea.
im always ok but not nessecarily happy.
one man needs to feel peoples love and warmth every now and then.
one man needs to feel that somone really cares.
one man needs to be taken care of looked after, just like a little baby.
one man needs to surrender unjudged.
i need to surrender, but im always afraid, of what exactly? im not really certain.
surrendering means letting go, letting go means getting deeply involved, deeply involved means too many details, too many details means complicated, complicated means problems, problems mean pain.
im afraid of pain!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Awaiting the reflections
Today was a kind day.
i noticed somthing different abt somone with me at college, somone i dont know well at all but had a situation with in my first year of college, an unpleasnt one... and today i thank the circumstances that made me react the way i did that day 3 years ago, today i touched the meaning of offering goodness and recieving it inreturn, even after 3 years!
it doesnt matter how long it takes, as long as u belive in your heart that what u once gave will not go to waste, it will reflect back at you, it will self reincarnate and come back to you in its best of forms (best varies and is very relative).
on my way back home ostaz sherif a 60 somthing year old man gave me a ride back home.
he had silver hair a tidy silver beard and light skin with small eyes, he looked a bit turkish, he was dressed nicely and it seemed like he took good care of his car mechanicly and cleanliness wise, he had omkolthoum playing.
He was talkative, not boringly talkative though.
i really dont remember how he started up a conversation with me... but we talked abt people and how he likes dealing with foriegners because he feels that they respect the hole fact that he or anyone else is a "human being" and that only being one made u such an important person with many rights to demand and many services to offer.
he then asked me if i was orthodox or protestant, i told him neither and immedietly asked him why would he ask me such a question, and that it wouldnt make any difference finding out my religion and we had a talk abt that a little, which i guess impressed him because he started complimenting, praising and flattering me all the way home till i was abt to burst... but he did it in a way that seemed that he really believed what he was saying there was such sinceraty abt him that really got to me, he made me wish that him having "a good sense abt ppl" was really true(as he claimed he has), so that all the things he said abt me could be true!
he also noted that he thinks that im underestimating myself, and he wondered why... but my usual answer was ready (as he wasnt the first to point that out for me) "that im simply being realistic!".
in the end, i discovered that there is one important thing we (sherif and i) share an incommon passion for, which is the love of people, regardless their color race religion or beliefs...
im a little concerned abt my colleague, the one i talked abt in the very start... didnt seem ok, noticed weight loss, tired eyes, yellow face.. i dont know... i just hope everyone is ok!
i prepared my painting corner all the tools are ready...waiting for me!
Awaiting the reflections in my life and on my canvas.
i noticed somthing different abt somone with me at college, somone i dont know well at all but had a situation with in my first year of college, an unpleasnt one... and today i thank the circumstances that made me react the way i did that day 3 years ago, today i touched the meaning of offering goodness and recieving it inreturn, even after 3 years!
it doesnt matter how long it takes, as long as u belive in your heart that what u once gave will not go to waste, it will reflect back at you, it will self reincarnate and come back to you in its best of forms (best varies and is very relative).
on my way back home ostaz sherif a 60 somthing year old man gave me a ride back home.
he had silver hair a tidy silver beard and light skin with small eyes, he looked a bit turkish, he was dressed nicely and it seemed like he took good care of his car mechanicly and cleanliness wise, he had omkolthoum playing.
He was talkative, not boringly talkative though.
i really dont remember how he started up a conversation with me... but we talked abt people and how he likes dealing with foriegners because he feels that they respect the hole fact that he or anyone else is a "human being" and that only being one made u such an important person with many rights to demand and many services to offer.
he then asked me if i was orthodox or protestant, i told him neither and immedietly asked him why would he ask me such a question, and that it wouldnt make any difference finding out my religion and we had a talk abt that a little, which i guess impressed him because he started complimenting, praising and flattering me all the way home till i was abt to burst... but he did it in a way that seemed that he really believed what he was saying there was such sinceraty abt him that really got to me, he made me wish that him having "a good sense abt ppl" was really true(as he claimed he has), so that all the things he said abt me could be true!
he also noted that he thinks that im underestimating myself, and he wondered why... but my usual answer was ready (as he wasnt the first to point that out for me) "that im simply being realistic!".
in the end, i discovered that there is one important thing we (sherif and i) share an incommon passion for, which is the love of people, regardless their color race religion or beliefs...
im a little concerned abt my colleague, the one i talked abt in the very start... didnt seem ok, noticed weight loss, tired eyes, yellow face.. i dont know... i just hope everyone is ok!
i prepared my painting corner all the tools are ready...waiting for me!
Awaiting the reflections in my life and on my canvas.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Dream for sale
ive been wanting to do and say many things lately and all i do is hold myself back... besause its either inappropriate, bad timing, will not repair the broken or to simply save myself embaressment and awkward situations.
holding back requires strength, a kind of strength am not sure i possess.
tv, remotes, cars, mobile phones, computers, neon lights, sky scrapers, high heels, junck food, "organic", medication, homosexuals, diamonds, shopping malls, cosmectics, plastic surgery, sattelites, stockmarkets, guns, war, athesim... they all represent one idea, they are all an illusion of a big dream (nightmare), a dream for sale, a dream im not willing to buy.
i like riding the metro when its not so crowded, i like riding it at abt 4:30 on a day off, everyone looks relaxed the sun is warm and golden... people on the metro are an intresting subject to gaze at for a hole 20 mins...
zahret el bostan hiding in the alley beside cafe riche in down town... cozy, they have good mango juice and mooz belabann.. but they dont have green tea.. i miss green tea. with mint!
i had a dream.. i dreamt that i gave birth to a baby boy and i wasnt able to name him.
i shud give myself a chance to remember my dreams the moment i wake up, i shud give myself three mins.. just laying there, i think it should help me recall my dreams... i think a dream is a very important part of who you are, we should give it the time and attention it needs.
holding back requires strength, a kind of strength am not sure i possess.
tv, remotes, cars, mobile phones, computers, neon lights, sky scrapers, high heels, junck food, "organic", medication, homosexuals, diamonds, shopping malls, cosmectics, plastic surgery, sattelites, stockmarkets, guns, war, athesim... they all represent one idea, they are all an illusion of a big dream (nightmare), a dream for sale, a dream im not willing to buy.
i like riding the metro when its not so crowded, i like riding it at abt 4:30 on a day off, everyone looks relaxed the sun is warm and golden... people on the metro are an intresting subject to gaze at for a hole 20 mins...
zahret el bostan hiding in the alley beside cafe riche in down town... cozy, they have good mango juice and mooz belabann.. but they dont have green tea.. i miss green tea. with mint!
i had a dream.. i dreamt that i gave birth to a baby boy and i wasnt able to name him.
i shud give myself a chance to remember my dreams the moment i wake up, i shud give myself three mins.. just laying there, i think it should help me recall my dreams... i think a dream is a very important part of who you are, we should give it the time and attention it needs.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
A new canvas
i miss the process of sharpening my pencil, taking my time, and thinking of a million things when doing so.
i miss the sound of my pencil on textured paper... i miss the the strokes, the varying forces of pressure, all the shades and tones the lines curves and figures...
i miss the brush the canvas and the strong smell of cheap turpentine.. i miss my palette, the half full color tubes all so squashed and scattered, i miss the process of mixing colors trying so hard to come up with the perfect shade of color, i miss my sprint to the stationary store across the street to buy a particular shade of blue that would give me my ever so magical shade of purple when mixed with deep red.
no outlines, only areas of colors does it all...
Black is not aloud on my palette, in my tool box or anywhere near me, i miss giving black away or even throwing it out the window!
its been long, i really missed u my dear muse, its always tough times without you around.
i miss the sound of my pencil on textured paper... i miss the the strokes, the varying forces of pressure, all the shades and tones the lines curves and figures...
i miss the brush the canvas and the strong smell of cheap turpentine.. i miss my palette, the half full color tubes all so squashed and scattered, i miss the process of mixing colors trying so hard to come up with the perfect shade of color, i miss my sprint to the stationary store across the street to buy a particular shade of blue that would give me my ever so magical shade of purple when mixed with deep red.
no outlines, only areas of colors does it all...
Black is not aloud on my palette, in my tool box or anywhere near me, i miss giving black away or even throwing it out the window!
its been long, i really missed u my dear muse, its always tough times without you around.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
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