ive been wanting to do and say many things lately and all i do is hold myself back... besause its either inappropriate, bad timing, will not repair the broken or to simply save myself embaressment and awkward situations.
holding back requires strength, a kind of strength am not sure i possess.
tv, remotes, cars, mobile phones, computers, neon lights, sky scrapers, high heels, junck food, "organic", medication, homosexuals, diamonds, shopping malls, cosmectics, plastic surgery, sattelites, stockmarkets, guns, war, athesim... they all represent one idea, they are all an illusion of a big dream (nightmare), a dream for sale, a dream im not willing to buy.
i like riding the metro when its not so crowded, i like riding it at abt 4:30 on a day off, everyone looks relaxed the sun is warm and golden... people on the metro are an intresting subject to gaze at for a hole 20 mins...
zahret el bostan hiding in the alley beside cafe riche in down town... cozy, they have good mango juice and mooz belabann.. but they dont have green tea.. i miss green tea. with mint!
i had a dream.. i dreamt that i gave birth to a baby boy and i wasnt able to name him.
i shud give myself a chance to remember my dreams the moment i wake up, i shud give myself three mins.. just laying there, i think it should help me recall my dreams... i think a dream is a very important part of who you are, we should give it the time and attention it needs.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
A new canvas
i miss the process of sharpening my pencil, taking my time, and thinking of a million things when doing so.
i miss the sound of my pencil on textured paper... i miss the the strokes, the varying forces of pressure, all the shades and tones the lines curves and figures...
i miss the brush the canvas and the strong smell of cheap turpentine.. i miss my palette, the half full color tubes all so squashed and scattered, i miss the process of mixing colors trying so hard to come up with the perfect shade of color, i miss my sprint to the stationary store across the street to buy a particular shade of blue that would give me my ever so magical shade of purple when mixed with deep red.
no outlines, only areas of colors does it all...
Black is not aloud on my palette, in my tool box or anywhere near me, i miss giving black away or even throwing it out the window!
its been long, i really missed u my dear muse, its always tough times without you around.
i miss the sound of my pencil on textured paper... i miss the the strokes, the varying forces of pressure, all the shades and tones the lines curves and figures...
i miss the brush the canvas and the strong smell of cheap turpentine.. i miss my palette, the half full color tubes all so squashed and scattered, i miss the process of mixing colors trying so hard to come up with the perfect shade of color, i miss my sprint to the stationary store across the street to buy a particular shade of blue that would give me my ever so magical shade of purple when mixed with deep red.
no outlines, only areas of colors does it all...
Black is not aloud on my palette, in my tool box or anywhere near me, i miss giving black away or even throwing it out the window!
its been long, i really missed u my dear muse, its always tough times without you around.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Saturday, January 31, 2009
ف العصر هيدخلوا مصر
يا خوفى لو حل العصر, و لائناهم دخلو مصر واحنا كتير و الخيبة مزينة الجبين.
ربع خنافس و ربع.. مسطول.
ربع بايع القضية و طفشان مالبلد, اهو كده بيقول.
ربع نزل القصة و ورانا اللباس, والروج لا غنى عنه يخللى الشفايف تتباس.
و ربع تعالب وديابة بكروش جعانة صعرانة, صعب تتملى. وحش بنى آدم لما بيفترى.
امنتى ألأرض هترتوى... امتى الهم هينطوى...
Monday, January 26, 2009
Part 2
Part 2 includes a "bad memory" and a "hurry"!
well the one most important incident was the safari till now... i went on a safari with a battery-less camera, what makes things worst is that there was so much to capture, they would've been amazing shots... the women there were so much like the women described in "wa7att al3'oroob", the one thing that really caught me was the striking eyes...
she was standing in the corner gazing at us, all that connects u to her is that little naked area around her eyes, its the only window for her to reach out.. that IF shes allowed to!
her from if u imagine her as a silhouette was like 2 pyramids on top of each other a big one on top of a smaller upside down pyramid, she was wearing something that looked like a black tent with a colorful gelbab underneath, the black cover on her face had beautiful work in gold and some metals with earrings attached to the cloth... black kohl filling the brown eyes.
underneath all that magic hides a little infant carried on her back, i went inside said hello and departed, it was so warm inside that tent, the boy was laying there asleep like hes still inside his mothers womb... safe.
the camels were sitting as if they were parked, the owners standing beside them yelling "ta3ali ta3ali", all surrendered to their first invitation call and i decided to take my time and pick one i like... i walked between the camels and it didnt take me long to settle on one... the owner was a female that stood still next to her female camel, she stood silent for women are not allowed to speak without the permission of their men there, i liked her silence and i liked how her camel seemed so different than all the others it was brown with relativly long brown hair, beautiful eyes, long eye lashes, busy mouth and the kindest sweetest look ever :)
phone ringing ested3a2.. hv to go, will be bck again!
well the one most important incident was the safari till now... i went on a safari with a battery-less camera, what makes things worst is that there was so much to capture, they would've been amazing shots... the women there were so much like the women described in "wa7att al3'oroob", the one thing that really caught me was the striking eyes...
she was standing in the corner gazing at us, all that connects u to her is that little naked area around her eyes, its the only window for her to reach out.. that IF shes allowed to!
her from if u imagine her as a silhouette was like 2 pyramids on top of each other a big one on top of a smaller upside down pyramid, she was wearing something that looked like a black tent with a colorful gelbab underneath, the black cover on her face had beautiful work in gold and some metals with earrings attached to the cloth... black kohl filling the brown eyes.
underneath all that magic hides a little infant carried on her back, i went inside said hello and departed, it was so warm inside that tent, the boy was laying there asleep like hes still inside his mothers womb... safe.
the camels were sitting as if they were parked, the owners standing beside them yelling "ta3ali ta3ali", all surrendered to their first invitation call and i decided to take my time and pick one i like... i walked between the camels and it didnt take me long to settle on one... the owner was a female that stood still next to her female camel, she stood silent for women are not allowed to speak without the permission of their men there, i liked her silence and i liked how her camel seemed so different than all the others it was brown with relativly long brown hair, beautiful eyes, long eye lashes, busy mouth and the kindest sweetest look ever :)
phone ringing ested3a2.. hv to go, will be bck again!
Friday, January 23, 2009
my hair is a mess am swallen, sleepy all the time... hibernating.. hibernating in hurgada, i miss cairo.
made friends with Abdallah he's from Aswan, hes cute and he used to work in Movenpick too! wonderful coincidence...
he has a natural sense of humor and is very spontaneous in an elegant comforting cozy way :)
yesterday i met Jean Paul a 39 yr old french man who's been living in Scotland for 8 years for work... Jean is a Yes man, he quite his job only because he felt like he wants to do something else, he decided he wants to enjoy life and achieve all of his wild dreams.
amazingly i managed to talk with him for a long period of time and amazingly i understood his accent that souded like one tounge speaking both English with a scottish accent and English with a french accent, on the bus back home jean asked me to join him for dinner, i said i couldnt because we dont tend to do that here in egypt and because am with my mom on a vacation so i couldnt possibly leave her all alone on dinner!
i told him i was flattered and that it was very sweet of him to ask me, the guy turned red for gods sake, which made me feel kinda like woohooo and my feminine side started singing halelouya!
well ive got alot of things i want to spill here but my dad just called and i need to go now, so, i guess i'll be bck!
p.s 3ndi soda3.
16:45
made friends with Abdallah he's from Aswan, hes cute and he used to work in Movenpick too! wonderful coincidence...
he has a natural sense of humor and is very spontaneous in an elegant comforting cozy way :)
yesterday i met Jean Paul a 39 yr old french man who's been living in Scotland for 8 years for work... Jean is a Yes man, he quite his job only because he felt like he wants to do something else, he decided he wants to enjoy life and achieve all of his wild dreams.
amazingly i managed to talk with him for a long period of time and amazingly i understood his accent that souded like one tounge speaking both English with a scottish accent and English with a french accent, on the bus back home jean asked me to join him for dinner, i said i couldnt because we dont tend to do that here in egypt and because am with my mom on a vacation so i couldnt possibly leave her all alone on dinner!
i told him i was flattered and that it was very sweet of him to ask me, the guy turned red for gods sake, which made me feel kinda like woohooo and my feminine side started singing halelouya!
well ive got alot of things i want to spill here but my dad just called and i need to go now, so, i guess i'll be bck!
p.s 3ndi soda3.
16:45
Friday, January 16, 2009
Will Miss!
Abla mervat, Amira, Ahmad bta3 el room service, Abu bakr, Mohamad, 3m mohamad el shayal, Nariman el tayeba el gamila, mdm mary, 3m Toma (hamada) bta3 el faluka webn 3amo 3m mohamad hussien, 3m 3awad 7ares ma3bad nefertari f abu simbel, 3m nagy el sawa2, wel chefs kolohom... i will Miss them all.
i came to the realisation that Nubian's could possibly be the real Pharaohs... i mean with this spirit between them, all the love and dedication, there is a possibility that they were the ones to actually build the great temples and come up with the most complicated scientific and astronomical discoveries... they are attached, constantly in love, passionate, warm hearted, dedicated and faithful...
i really needed to stay there for a longer time so i can rub some of there goodness on me!
i came to the realisation that Nubian's could possibly be the real Pharaohs... i mean with this spirit between them, all the love and dedication, there is a possibility that they were the ones to actually build the great temples and come up with the most complicated scientific and astronomical discoveries... they are attached, constantly in love, passionate, warm hearted, dedicated and faithful...
i really needed to stay there for a longer time so i can rub some of there goodness on me!
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