I activated my wordpress account!!! :D
http://glintingshadows.wordpress.com
Am outta here, but i need to move my luggage thats the worst part abt moving out :)
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Recommend
Enjoying my new book "Siddhartha" by Herman Hesse (Winner of the Nobel prize in Literature).
The originial publication for this book was in the year 1922.
I recommend!
:)
The originial publication for this book was in the year 1922.
I recommend!
:)
Saturday, January 23, 2010
La gelosia, l'orgoglio, la sensibilità, la colpa
One thing that i recently discovered abt myself is that i am a VERY JEALOUS person.
im jealous when u least expect it and im not when its most commonly that i should.
I also learned that too much pride can hurt... i have too much PRIDE!
Naturally after knowing that i have too much pride comes the discovery of me being too SENSITIVE at the silliest of things.
Lately i caught myself having this tendency of BLAMING others for my crap. im glad i caught that soon before it grows like a bad cancer.
This brings me to the thought of, should "Blame" be an option in the first place?
i mean is there situations where blaming would seem to be perfectly fine and in context.
Having to have quickly thought abt it, i think that "Blame" in any situation is a primary sign of weakness...
im jealous when u least expect it and im not when its most commonly that i should.
I also learned that too much pride can hurt... i have too much PRIDE!
Naturally after knowing that i have too much pride comes the discovery of me being too SENSITIVE at the silliest of things.
Lately i caught myself having this tendency of BLAMING others for my crap. im glad i caught that soon before it grows like a bad cancer.
This brings me to the thought of, should "Blame" be an option in the first place?
i mean is there situations where blaming would seem to be perfectly fine and in context.
Having to have quickly thought abt it, i think that "Blame" in any situation is a primary sign of weakness...
Friday, January 15, 2010
Recollect
Have I ever mentioned that I have a "positive diary", it’s a dairy I bought about a year ago, and I decided not to write anything negative in it, at the beginning of every new entry I would write at the top right of the page "keep it positive"!
That forces me to focus only on the full half of the cup and see nothing but it! :)
Here I am allowed to spill it all out the way I wish to, because here my tips touch nothing but mute cold plastic, and the letters iam supposedly writing do not carry my identity.
But with my diary its different it’s real paper with a significant scent and texture paper that has my handwriting my identity. My diary simply breaths!
So if I’m writing abt something bad that has happened, I have to make it sound optimistic and full of light at the end...LIGHT!
Light is a word that is able to bring me instant comfort, sense of security and a kind sense of power.
And as I didn’t allow negativity to reach my diary for as it is dear and precious to me, I don’t want it to reach my friends and the people I care abt most.
For instance today when I was at Cindy’s I could feel my negative presence haunt the room were in, a feeling I hated... a feeling I don’t like to feel and can hardly control these days.
And because I care, I sometimes need some distance to allow me to overcome that negative aura of mine... coz I believe it’s contagious!
I don’t know but Cindy is probably reading this and cursing at me or something.
Girl I want u to know that I need that badly... I just hate it when every time we hang out I seem so gloomy... I DO NOT want to be remembered that way and I do not want to complain coz there is nothing actually to complain abt el7amdolelah!
My life is amazing and I keep forgetting that, I’ve been offered so much and I keep forgetting that, I have dreams, am powerful, am talented and I keep forgetting that am a good person and I JUST KEEP FORGETTING THAT!!!
I need to keep a distance so I can see things from a bird’s eye view so I can see the real size of everything... so I can remember again!
I need to wake up and make new plans and finish old ones.
I need to recollect myself again.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
When you know
When you know that you know who you love, you can't deny it.
Or go back, or give up, or pretend that you don't buy it.
When it's clear this time you've found the one, you'll never let him go
Cos you know and you know that you know.
When you feel in your skin in your bones and the hollow
Of your heart, there's no way you can wait till tomorrow.
When there isn't any doubt about it once you come this close
Cos you know and you know that you know.
You can feel love's around you like the sky 'round blue
This is how love has found you, now you know what to do.
When you know that you know who you need, you can't deny it.
Or go back, or give up, or pretend that you don't buy it.
When it's clear this time you've found the one, you'll never let him go
Cos you know and you know that you know.
And it's time you come in from the cold.
Or go back, or give up, or pretend that you don't buy it.
When it's clear this time you've found the one, you'll never let him go
Cos you know and you know that you know.
When you feel in your skin in your bones and the hollow
Of your heart, there's no way you can wait till tomorrow.
When there isn't any doubt about it once you come this close
Cos you know and you know that you know.
You can feel love's around you like the sky 'round blue
This is how love has found you, now you know what to do.
When you know that you know who you need, you can't deny it.
Or go back, or give up, or pretend that you don't buy it.
When it's clear this time you've found the one, you'll never let him go
Cos you know and you know that you know.
And it's time you come in from the cold.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Is it!
Is it strange how the sight of piles of old books appearing from behind a window of an old house on a cold Maadi night can instantly make me smile from the heart... :)
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Mewww...
Today will be my first day since a year or more to work on an oil painting.
Am so anxious... i have butterflies in my stomach, my hands are a bit shaky and i have lumps in my throat...
I hope everything goes well.
Am so anxious... i have butterflies in my stomach, my hands are a bit shaky and i have lumps in my throat...
I hope everything goes well.
Friday, December 4, 2009
The most tender embrace
Today i bought a new bookmarker... a turquoise bookmarker, it’s a satin turquoise ribbon with turquoise pieces of glass at each end, the glass parts are separated by silver like pieces...
Turquoise. a color i love and appreciate but less likely to wear.. It’s a peaceful color especially in glass...
GLASS. One of my favorite elements it makes me feel safe, because it’s see through, because light is able to penetrate it.
It shines and twinkles.
Allows u to witness the most magical of scenes yet keep u safe and comforted.
When u breath warm air on its cold surface, u get to draw a heart with ur finger in a slow careful motion and watch it fade away...
At the bookstore, I passed by the children’s section had a flashback that took me back about a year ago, and left me there hanging with that memory in a melancholic state.
Am forcing myself to move on, watching myself from outside in great pity, watching the struggle I’m going through to simply move… to “move on” dragging my bruised spirit behind me on a coarse ground.
I imagine that things will keep intensifying till the pressure is unbearable and I will end up exploding creating a whole new galaxy of mine, I believe it’ll be a pretty scene. I hope…
Facts are sometimes unable to change the direction of our emotions, sometimes emotions can be much more stronger and overwhelming, they can take over what u have left of remaining sense.
I thank God for the faith I have been blessed, it is the only thing keeping me soulful and somehow collected.
It's when I steer towards the light several times through the day, it’s only then that I truly feel the raw form of affection.
The most tender embrace!
Turquoise. a color i love and appreciate but less likely to wear.. It’s a peaceful color especially in glass...
GLASS. One of my favorite elements it makes me feel safe, because it’s see through, because light is able to penetrate it.
It shines and twinkles.
Allows u to witness the most magical of scenes yet keep u safe and comforted.
When u breath warm air on its cold surface, u get to draw a heart with ur finger in a slow careful motion and watch it fade away...
At the bookstore, I passed by the children’s section had a flashback that took me back about a year ago, and left me there hanging with that memory in a melancholic state.
Am forcing myself to move on, watching myself from outside in great pity, watching the struggle I’m going through to simply move… to “move on” dragging my bruised spirit behind me on a coarse ground.
I imagine that things will keep intensifying till the pressure is unbearable and I will end up exploding creating a whole new galaxy of mine, I believe it’ll be a pretty scene. I hope…
Facts are sometimes unable to change the direction of our emotions, sometimes emotions can be much more stronger and overwhelming, they can take over what u have left of remaining sense.
I thank God for the faith I have been blessed, it is the only thing keeping me soulful and somehow collected.
It's when I steer towards the light several times through the day, it’s only then that I truly feel the raw form of affection.
The most tender embrace!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Haunting
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0U_H6wLsWM
its been playing through my head for days now... haunting me!
:)
its been playing through my head for days now... haunting me!
:)
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Withdrawal
It happens to be that, the more you are seen and heard from, the more your value degrades.
You become a habit.
Subtly, without your knowing why, people respect you less and less.
At the right moment you must learn to withdraw yourself, before they unconsciously push you away...
You become a habit.
Subtly, without your knowing why, people respect you less and less.
At the right moment you must learn to withdraw yourself, before they unconsciously push you away...
Monday, November 9, 2009
My will
In my funeral I want my family and friends to dress in white I don’t want them to mourn for long, I don’t want them to cry too much and they should try to smile as much as possible.
There shall be white and green balloons and plants with any kind of flower.
I want them to serve fresh juice.
When it comes to "Al ghosl" I want a total stranger to do it, someone that has no idea who iam and never met me before, no one that knows me shud be allowed around me at that stage.
I want everyone I know from near or far to be there at salat alganaza, starting with my parents ending with the security guards and janitors...
People that have to be there apart from family are Cindy and her family Mimi, Yasmin Habiba, Mahmoud and Cindy’s beautiful uncle and her aunt Fatin, Mohammad Salah, Heba Ragheb and Yomna Khalid,Iftis (Ibtesam), Dr. Abdelaziz.
Last but not least Hassan Khalil.
My belongings shud be divided between my closest friends Cindy, Salah, Sarah and Hassan.
I want my diaries to rotate around those four for them to read.
in case of having my own children and husband then my belongings shud stay "home", and my home shud be welcoming any of my close friends who feel like going through my things whenever they plz each of my friends could pick one special item that they think reminds them of me to keep... and my diaries will still be rotating for them to read.
If I die after any of my parents I want to be buried beside them.
If I die before then they both shud make sure they are buried next to me.
I want letters of gratitude to everyone that came across my life sent on my behalf... make them smile!
Plant a tree on my behalf and name it after my first child’s name as a dedication from me. If I haven’t got children name it after me with the quote "we enter naked, we exit naked and in between we spend our life trying to cover up."
And one of my favorite Quran verses "...و جعلناكم شعوباًو قبائل لتعارفوا..."
TO BE CONTINUED...
There shall be white and green balloons and plants with any kind of flower.
I want them to serve fresh juice.
When it comes to "Al ghosl" I want a total stranger to do it, someone that has no idea who iam and never met me before, no one that knows me shud be allowed around me at that stage.
I want everyone I know from near or far to be there at salat alganaza, starting with my parents ending with the security guards and janitors...
People that have to be there apart from family are Cindy and her family Mimi, Yasmin Habiba, Mahmoud and Cindy’s beautiful uncle and her aunt Fatin, Mohammad Salah, Heba Ragheb and Yomna Khalid,Iftis (Ibtesam), Dr. Abdelaziz.
Last but not least Hassan Khalil.
My belongings shud be divided between my closest friends Cindy, Salah, Sarah and Hassan.
I want my diaries to rotate around those four for them to read.
in case of having my own children and husband then my belongings shud stay "home", and my home shud be welcoming any of my close friends who feel like going through my things whenever they plz each of my friends could pick one special item that they think reminds them of me to keep... and my diaries will still be rotating for them to read.
If I die after any of my parents I want to be buried beside them.
If I die before then they both shud make sure they are buried next to me.
I want letters of gratitude to everyone that came across my life sent on my behalf... make them smile!
Plant a tree on my behalf and name it after my first child’s name as a dedication from me. If I haven’t got children name it after me with the quote "we enter naked, we exit naked and in between we spend our life trying to cover up."
And one of my favorite Quran verses "...و جعلناكم شعوباًو قبائل لتعارفوا..."
TO BE CONTINUED...
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Cinderella's greatest fear
Rana says:
hey girl....
,, says:
hey
Rana says:
how r u feeling
,, says:
shocked
Rana says:
cry it out go wash up etwadi w salleelo... i did so my self..
,, says:
i cant cry
tears are frozen inside my eyes
i can feel the blood boling in my veins
but i cant cry
Rana says:
life does it over and over again yet everytime seems like there very first time
,, says:
he was gona b 29 this november
.. he was alone
and now he is alone
in a fridge somewhere in a strange hospital in a strange country
when u come to think abt it.. he travelled to die
Rana says:
thats just a body but hes not alone
,, says:
it was his first time for him to ever ride a plane
he was so excited
Rana says:
death offers the most rosey introductions somtimes
gamilagirl@hotmail.com said (12:21 AM):
http://jazzylife.wordpress.com/2009/11/06/islam-died/
Rana says:
the pillow always helps a tear to flow
,, says:
i dont want to cry..
msh 3yza .. 7'yfa a3yt
ansah
Rana says:
That will never happen!
,, says:
my mum cant stop crying and telling me that i turned to an ice girl
w ezay ana msh monhara
Rana says:
ur not its just that the moment u cry it is definatly a very true and sincere moment... it will be
coz all these thoughts smashing against the walls of ur head will end up to one collected true emotion.. not necessarily sadness
,, says:
ana msh msd2a nfsi
islam tawafa
am looking at his email account on my msn list..
i cant believe it
Rana says:
belive it ya cindy and not only believe la2 prepare urself... prepare urself becoz the fact is its not the first and will not be the last time that such a thing happens
such a "natural" thing
,, says:
death in my greatest fear of all
Rana says:
you know that this is what we need to change
treating death as the boogy man... treating it as being BAD!
remember what marwa fl msr7 said
the story she tod us abt the man that had his house explode with his family inside
remember how it sounded like a tragedy but ended up to be a hidden disguise
a bless
blessings dnt necessarily appear in the most pleasant forms
the trick is to see through
and beyond...
hey girl....
,, says:
hey
Rana says:
how r u feeling
,, says:
shocked
Rana says:
cry it out go wash up etwadi w salleelo... i did so my self..
,, says:
i cant cry
tears are frozen inside my eyes
i can feel the blood boling in my veins
but i cant cry
Rana says:
life does it over and over again yet everytime seems like there very first time
,, says:
he was gona b 29 this november
.. he was alone
and now he is alone
in a fridge somewhere in a strange hospital in a strange country
when u come to think abt it.. he travelled to die
Rana says:
thats just a body but hes not alone
,, says:
it was his first time for him to ever ride a plane
he was so excited
Rana says:
death offers the most rosey introductions somtimes
gamilagirl@hotmail.com said (12:21 AM):
http://jazzylife.wordpress.com/2009/11/06/islam-died/
Rana says:
the pillow always helps a tear to flow
,, says:
i dont want to cry..
msh 3yza .. 7'yfa a3yt
ansah
Rana says:
That will never happen!
,, says:
my mum cant stop crying and telling me that i turned to an ice girl
w ezay ana msh monhara
Rana says:
ur not its just that the moment u cry it is definatly a very true and sincere moment... it will be
coz all these thoughts smashing against the walls of ur head will end up to one collected true emotion.. not necessarily sadness
,, says:
ana msh msd2a nfsi
islam tawafa
am looking at his email account on my msn list..
i cant believe it
Rana says:
belive it ya cindy and not only believe la2 prepare urself... prepare urself becoz the fact is its not the first and will not be the last time that such a thing happens
such a "natural" thing
,, says:
death in my greatest fear of all
Rana says:
you know that this is what we need to change
treating death as the boogy man... treating it as being BAD!
remember what marwa fl msr7 said
the story she tod us abt the man that had his house explode with his family inside
remember how it sounded like a tragedy but ended up to be a hidden disguise
a bless
blessings dnt necessarily appear in the most pleasant forms
the trick is to see through
and beyond...
Friday, October 30, 2009
Goodbye ponytail
I reached an extent of denial abt my hair that when i rised from bed this morning the first thing that faced me was a mirror, i looked at my reflection in quite a shock and burst into endless tears of uninvited regret...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tiG-y-E6I0g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tiG-y-E6I0g
Sunday, October 25, 2009
A dream
I had a dream that i gave birth to a baby girl... and only when she was 2 yrs old or so that i realised she was named after me, my daughter and i carried the same name!
I was so furious wondering how such a thing could happen when i had a list of names prepared for that special person since i was fourteen!!!
And i also realised that it was too late to fix, coz the girl was almost two now and named Rana.
I was so furious wondering how such a thing could happen when i had a list of names prepared for that special person since i was fourteen!!!
And i also realised that it was too late to fix, coz the girl was almost two now and named Rana.
رائحة الشمس
رائحة الشمس
ما نحن - الرجال - إلا أطفال أمهاتنا. مهما كبرنا أو استطلنا تظل أمهاتنا حاملات أسرار لمعجزات نظل نرتجيها. ولقد كانت معجزة أمي أنها تخبئ بعضا من الشمس في ثيابنا المغسولة.
سأظل أتذكر أنها كانت تجمع الغسيل بعد جفافه عندما تبدأ الشمس رحلة هبوطها بعد العصر، وعلى الكنبة التي بركن الصالة ترتفع كومة الثياب النظيفة. وفي هذه الكومة كنت ألقي بنفسي لأغرق في رائحة الشمس، فلقد كانت الثياب النظيفة تلك تمنح أنفاسي رائحة لم تكن في وعيي غير رائحة الشمس راحت كومة الثياب عن كنبة الصالة وغابت إلى الأبد.
وكبرت أنا إلى حد أنه حتى لو ظلت الكومة ما كنت أستطيع أن ألقي بنفسي فيها.وكل ما أستطيعه الآن هو أن أوصي زوجتي بأن لا تجمع الغسيل المنشور إلا بعد العصر , وبزعم أنني أساعدها في جمع الغسيل ألتقط قطعة منه وأغرق وجهي فيها.
تضحك زوجتي قائلة: "كف عن الوسوسة"، تحسبني أتشمم الغسيل لأتيقن من نظافته، فهي لا تعرف أنني أبحث عن معجزة من كانت تخبئ بعضا من الشمس في ثيابنا أبحث عن عطر أمي.
قصة قصيرة لمحمد المخزنجي.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
In random order
The List
In random order
The list is a rough sketch that describes the man i would care to grow old with.
I have never imagined i could end up making a list of things i need in a man, although i have tried several times to do so, but my trials were all in vain.
Suddenly things have become clear to me... maybe because i was that close to that example of a man!
The list may seem too perfected; the list may contain many things i do not possess myself.
And because it is simply insane to wish for things you know you are not worthy of, i doubtlessly am working on BEING that person, for when he comes i will know that i am deserving of him.
The list is my guide... so i guess i will need my friends to tell me what are the things that i already possess from all the below. :)
o Funny
o Kind
o Patient
o Beautiful in my eyes
o Generous with his smiles
o With at least average intelligence or more
o Excited about life with a wide range of interests
o Ambitious
o Good at one thing- be it talent or career
o Willing to trust me and let me in before i trust him
o Able to talk me through things, take my hand and lead me gently (leader, provider and supporter)
o Able to give me advice when I need it, and listen when all I need is to be heard
o Supportive and encouraging
o Offers me the sense of security and completeness I need
o Brings out the best in me through clear communication and positive motivation
o Doesn’t care about cultural stereotypes or what people think
o Isn’t afraid to get a little crazy every now and then
o Generous.
o Dependable
o Does not have a bad temper and isn’t insecure about his manhood in such a way that he needs to constantly prove it
o Is okay asking me for help and lending me a hand when i need it
o It wud be nice if he has a good successful career- but isn’t essential
o Socially extroverted
o Can just fill a whole room with talk and laughter
o Doesn’t feel awkward or weirded out easily
o Feels comfortable expressing love and affection to me in front of family and friends without being too shy and conservative about it.
o It wud b nice if he’s a bit built...
In random order
The list is a rough sketch that describes the man i would care to grow old with.
I have never imagined i could end up making a list of things i need in a man, although i have tried several times to do so, but my trials were all in vain.
Suddenly things have become clear to me... maybe because i was that close to that example of a man!
The list may seem too perfected; the list may contain many things i do not possess myself.
And because it is simply insane to wish for things you know you are not worthy of, i doubtlessly am working on BEING that person, for when he comes i will know that i am deserving of him.
The list is my guide... so i guess i will need my friends to tell me what are the things that i already possess from all the below. :)
o Funny
o Kind
o Patient
o Beautiful in my eyes
o Generous with his smiles
o With at least average intelligence or more
o Excited about life with a wide range of interests
o Ambitious
o Good at one thing- be it talent or career
o Willing to trust me and let me in before i trust him
o Able to talk me through things, take my hand and lead me gently (leader, provider and supporter)
o Able to give me advice when I need it, and listen when all I need is to be heard
o Supportive and encouraging
o Offers me the sense of security and completeness I need
o Brings out the best in me through clear communication and positive motivation
o Doesn’t care about cultural stereotypes or what people think
o Isn’t afraid to get a little crazy every now and then
o Generous.
o Dependable
o Does not have a bad temper and isn’t insecure about his manhood in such a way that he needs to constantly prove it
o Is okay asking me for help and lending me a hand when i need it
o It wud be nice if he has a good successful career- but isn’t essential
o Socially extroverted
o Can just fill a whole room with talk and laughter
o Doesn’t feel awkward or weirded out easily
o Feels comfortable expressing love and affection to me in front of family and friends without being too shy and conservative about it.
o It wud b nice if he’s a bit built...
To be continued…
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Coco
Its 2:10am
I made my warm coco, preparing to go to bed.
Listening to Chopin prelude no 4.
I want to go to college tomorrow, i miss my pen and paper.
Waiting for the effect of warm milk to sink in so i can sleep easily, im in no need to think a lot before going to bed.
I went to my dentist today, the one that i think im beginning to develop a crush on him (prelude no 15 raindrop now), i just cant help it he uses his wicked charms on me throwing and asking comments and questions that i know for sure its no more than a doctor who likes complimenting his patients...
Although somewhere inside me hoped that it was for real, a part of me that i cannot deny, a part of me that i have to force into silence, a part of me that is so feminine...!
Im looking for somthing to wear on my cousins engagment day... i still have to look i hope i can find somthing that really looks nice on me and for a good price...
Am planning to go to Nagham masry's concert at rawabet isa :)
Good night blog spot...ohhh forgot to tell u that i named my bike "Sanabel" :)
I made my warm coco, preparing to go to bed.
Listening to Chopin prelude no 4.
I want to go to college tomorrow, i miss my pen and paper.
Waiting for the effect of warm milk to sink in so i can sleep easily, im in no need to think a lot before going to bed.
I went to my dentist today, the one that i think im beginning to develop a crush on him (prelude no 15 raindrop now), i just cant help it he uses his wicked charms on me throwing and asking comments and questions that i know for sure its no more than a doctor who likes complimenting his patients...
Although somewhere inside me hoped that it was for real, a part of me that i cannot deny, a part of me that i have to force into silence, a part of me that is so feminine...!
Im looking for somthing to wear on my cousins engagment day... i still have to look i hope i can find somthing that really looks nice on me and for a good price...
Am planning to go to Nagham masry's concert at rawabet isa :)
Good night blog spot...ohhh forgot to tell u that i named my bike "Sanabel" :)
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